“Stop! Only love today." - Hands Free Mama

I read a blog post last week and I cannot quit thinking about the writer's words. Every time she writes, she speaks directly to my heart.  She inspires me on my quest to transform.  As I walk this weight loss journey, I believe the changes that take place emotionally, mentally, and spiritually hold the key to the success I will have on the scale.

Rachel Stafford is the founder of Hands Free Mama, and a vessel God is using to touch the hearts of moms every where. Her post titled "The Bully Too Close To Home" convicted me like no other.

In the post, Rachel states "Calling all the shots was a mean voice in my head. My internal drill sergeant was continually pushing me to make everything sound better, look better, and taste better. My body, my house, and my achievements were never good enough. Holding myself to such unattainable standards weighed heavily on my soul and my inner turmoil eventually spilled out at people I loved the most."

Numerous times I have devoured food over this inner turmoil.  The guilt, the voices, the thoughts seem to only soften with just one more bite.

As I pondered this post this past week my busy life continued.

The author writes,   "Sadly, there was one person in particular who bore the brunt of my discontent: my first-born daughter".

I hate to confess it, but this is also true in my home. I am happy to say I am making progress as I stumble along the path of transformation, however during the week this discontent roared again.   My oldest child's eyes burned with tears as she sobbed, because her mama was too busy to listen, to busy to trust, and to busy to choose better words. I over reacted to a situation she was in, because of some discontent within myself.

My youngest child asked me to play and I responded with maybe after we get things done.  I say no , not right now, or in a minute more often than I say yes.  I did not realize how those words were affecting my daughter...the same day I said we would do something tomorrow and her words were "you'll be too busy."

I had some emotional eating moments this week, which then led to me bullying myself. 

Hands Free Mama says:
 " It’s hard to love yourself with a bully breathing down your neck.
   It’s hard to love yourself when the one person who’s supposed love you         unconditionally doesn’t.
   It’s hard to become the person you’re supposed to be when you aren’t allowed to fall down and get back up."

Yes!!!  Yes, it is. 

In the post she suggest we “Stop! Only love today."

So I tried it with my oldest first. We used to cuddle before school for a few minutes, but it seemed we never got ready on time...so we stopped. She and I love these moments, so I gave them back to her this week.  I had to “Stop!" many times as the voices in my head told me we don't have time, and I had to choose to “Only love today".

My youngest child, as I was tucking her in bed, asked if I had anything to do...she wanted me to lay with her for a few minutes.  Wow, I come across so busy that she has to ask. I choose to respond with the author's suggestion of “Stop! Only love today."  It was a beautiful few moments.  I laid there holding her in my arms and said "Do you know that you are more important than the busy stuff?"  She shook her head telling me no and I told her she was. 

When I left her room, I proceeded into my oldest child's room and told her as well.

I love how Rachel Stafford taught me this simple, effective technique this week. “Stop! Only love today."

I was able to love myself on this night as well.  It was a non scale victory....with the weight loss I have had...I was able to lay comfortably on that small twin size bed filled with stuffed animals and a small child. I pray I continue to use this technique with myself. In the journey to health, I will fall down, its not a journey of perfection.  I want to allow myself and those around me the grace to learn from mistakes and as Hands Free Mams says “Stop! Only love today."

Thank you to the Hands Free Mama for speaking to me. I pray that God will continue to help me apply this to myself, my children, my husband, and others.

Redemption and Encouragement

Recently, I had the privilege of sharing with my women's bible study group about redemption and encouragement. Today I get to share with you as well.

In Junior High School, I was made to run the 800m.  That is 2 laps around the track. I have mentioned this in  a previous post titled.....Athlete.  I was dead last. I was embarrassed.

My Senior year I was in a car wreck, not just a fender bender.  I wrapped my Buick Skyhawk around a light pole. You can read more about that here.  This wreck occurred in March, my boyfriend broke up with me in April, and my senior prom was in May. 

I DID NOT GO TO PROM!

In  bible study, I learned more about redemption.  Redemption means the act of redeeming or the condition of having been redeemed. Redeemed means to free from what harms or to help over come something.

I had a humiliating run in Jr. high and a disappointment in not going to prom, but God over came that.

On Friday 11-1-13 I went to prom.  It was a Bad Prom 5K.  My husband was my date.  I remember the day I asked him to go....yep I asked him....and I was shocked and thrilled he said yes.  We got all dressed up in a fun and silly way.  He got to do his 1st 5k and I got to do my 3rd. 

 

 

 

I was even given the title of Prom Queen by my man.  Talk about redemption.  I no longer feel like that little girl on the track who was so humiliated and God blessed me with a prom do over. 

 

In this same bible study we also discussed encouragement. If you have ever run a race, the group of encouragers along the way pushes you and keeps you going.

 

Hebrews 12:1

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. "

 

 

 

God has given us all different races:

• everyday life is a race
• marriage struggles
• kids
• work issues
• depression
• struggling with an answer to prayer or wrestling with spiritual matters
• health
• weight loss

Whatever your 5k is, I pray that you find encouragement from others and from Jesus.

 

He has you in His righteous right hand. 

 

 

In closing I want to end with words to encourage you and push you on your race:

 

"You weren't an accident. You weren't mass produced. You aren't an assembly-line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on the earth by the Master Craftsman.”

― Max Lucado, The Christmas Candle    

 

 

 

You got this! All things through Christ!

 

 

 



 

 

 

Progress and Set Backs

I recently participated in the Lurong Living Paleo Challenge.  I was hesitant about taking the challenge, because I had a plan that was working, however this challenge would also include some workout challenges at Kodiak Crossfit.  I was intrigued.  I wanted to know if I could do it, so I did. 

Thankfully, I had several friends participate as well. There is strength in numbers!!! Those workout challenges were no joke! The food part was not so bad, once I realized how simple and similar it was to my current plan. 

My improvements in 8 weeks:

•  Workout 1 - I improved my time by 3:04
•  Workout 2- I did 55 reps total of kettle bell swings and burpees the 1st time and 145 reps the 2nd, improving my time by 1:40
•  Workout 3- I improved my time by 29 seconds
•   I lost a total of 14 inches
•   I lost 14.7 lbs, bringing my total to 66 lbs lost

September 14, 2013 & November 10,2013






 

When the challenge was over I had not made a decision about what I was going to continue to do. Did I want to go back to carb cycling or continue on a paleo path?  I had no plan and looked forward to a cheat, which turned into a day, and into a few days with some binge eating.  This is the first week I have struggled with food since May. Just when you think your drug of choice is not a problem you realize it still is. I have seen a glimpse of the habits that have weighed me down for so long. In the midst of transformation, remembering where you came from and why you want to change are vital, therefore I wanted to write myself a letter.



Dear Shelly,

Do you understand how far you have come?  How far God has brought you on this journey?? At your heaviest you were tired, anxious, depressed. Everything was hard...everything!!  Your emotions controlled your food choices. After losing some weight, you then had the courage to try our for a TV show and have continued to fight ever since. Did you know that no matter what you put in your mouth or how your workout went, you Shelly are fearfully and wonderfully made??  The bible tells you so!  Did you know that in any journey to see some rainbows, you have to have a little rain?? This week is just a little rain.  Don't let it drown you! God did not bring you this far to leave you! Remember when you don't eat well, you don't feel well.  How do you want to feel today? You are worth the hard work, time, and effort this journey takes! You have 2 girls snuggled in their beds that are watching your journey. You have a husband who loves you and supports your efforts.  Remember your trying to leave a different legacy, and you are.  The goals you have before you will take time to reach. You will take 2 steps forward and 4 steps back at times, but you know God has surrounded you with what you need for your journey.  Yes, you fell down this week physically(I fell during a workout this week, thus facing a fear) and with food, but that does not mean you quit.  It means you faced some fears and have some choices.  Will you get back up and not allow yourself to be tangled up in the web of old habits?  There is a great quote in the ebook "The Unwired Mom" by Sarah Mae "And when you do mess it all up, there is grace that says, "It's okay, you're covered. Get up and try again. You are not alone in this." 

You got this, all things through Christ.

Look again at how far He has brought you:

March 2011, April 2013, November 2013

 

 

 

If you read this today, I pray that whatever journey you are on, whatever goals you have, that you know if He can bring me this far, then He can bring you as well.

Hang in there.  Fight with me. Lets get up and try again. We are not alone!

So I had a bad day.....

Recently, my post have been on successes at the den and what those have taught me.  Today is a different tale!

The day began with a run that I could not complete. My left hamstring was not having it.  (I blame the stretching of said hamstring and sprints the day before.)

So, I rowed.

This was followed by stretching and some core strengthening.

And this, this was followed by the WOD a 10 minute AMRAP(as many rounds as possible):
5 HSPU  (hand stand push ups) modified using a box for me
20 meter sliders - you slide with your arms only for 20 meters.

And this was followed by another 10 minute AMRAP....and I am not sure what it was!?!?!  I ended up doing something different due to what occurred in WOD 1.  I did 10 sit-ups and 10 lunges.

I attempted a real HSPU before we started....just not quit there yet...I got the hand stand, just not the push up. 

So, I got set up on my box and knocked out 5.  I headed over to began my 20 meters of sliders, thus beginning the longest 20 meters of my life!!!

I quickly realized how physically, emotionally, and mentally hard this was.  I had many thoughts and emotions wash over me.  I thought about people who have suffered a spinal cord injury and how hard it must be for them to learn how to move using their arms.  As I attempted to maneuver across the floor, I became angry.  It was all I could do not to quit and walk out the door!!  I was feeling humiliated and defeated!!  I was mad at myself.  Mad for all the years I did not take care of my body.  Mad for all the times I have tried before just to quit.  Mad that I could not get across that floor any faster.  I grew even more mad when tears welled up in my eyes.

I also began hurting. I have been dealing with some muscle discomfort (not from working out!!)  and it tightened up. Now, I was mad for all the above reasons plus for the circumstances surrounding the physical pain. I finished those 20 meters and attempted another hand stand push up on the box, the pain was too much.  In 10 minutes time, I completed 1 round.  That 1 round pretty much took  the whole 10 minutes.   My Coach knew something was wrong...at that moment as bad as the pain was physically, it was worse emotionally, and mentally. 

I needed/wanted a good ole fashion cry session.

I did the 2nd AMRAP.  I have no idea how many rounds I did. It was hard to count and get through the pain, however doing it helped me feel slightly better about the failure I had just endured during the first AMRAP.

So I had a bad day.....

There have been times during the last few months that I worked out sooner than I should have....out of fear. 

Fear that if I if I don't go, I will give myself too much time off.

Fear that sickness or injury will lead me back to old habits.

Fear that I will not show a loss on the scale that week.

Fear that taking time off will put me back too many steps.  (And yes intellectually I know that if I hurt myself that will put me back more.)

But here is what I know:

Fear is a feeling, not a fact. 

Christ did not give me a Spirit of fear. (see 2 Timothy 1:7)

I have a pack of bears that will not let me stay gone.

My kids and my husband are in my corner.

I have family and friends that are supporting me.

Bad days happen and I am learning how to deal with them in healthier ways.  (The ones that happen in a workout and outside of one.)

That facing the emotions and mental things that wash up in a workout are sometimes the WOD.

Jesus did not bring me this far to leave me.

I love the lyrics to this song written by by Jessi Alexander and Jon Mabe:

"The Climb"

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

You'll never reach it

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about, it's all about the climb

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

What are you looking at??

I was discussing Psalm 123 a few weeks ago with a group of ladies and was reminded of how important vision is!!!

Verse 1 says "I lift my eyes to You, the One enthroned in heaven."

As babies vision is vital to the development of strength, balance, perception, and many other skills.  As we continue into adulthood vision is just as important for these skills and many others.

In various areas of our lives we must look in a million different directions, however there are things that require focus. 

In crossfit my coach will say "look straight", the minute I don't focus I loose form, strength, and balance.

In parenting the minute I don't focus on what matters I loose my strength to remain calm and gentle.

In my marriage if I focus on the wrong things it creates tension.

In my walk with Jesus if I take my focus off of Him, I will sink like Peter. (see Matthew 14)

I have attempted this weight loss journey so many times, but my vision was always downcast.  I never lifted my eyes in belief or trust that God would answer my prayers.
I would get distracted or discouraged and loose my vision.  My vision has always been on "I can't".  I had to make a choice to change my vision and my belief to "I can", and trust Jesus in this area.  

There is a story in the bible about a king who gives his servants money. He asks them to put the money to work until he returns.  They all receive the same amount of money but what they did with it varied. One servant earned double the amount, one earned half the amount, and the last servant buried his money to keep it safe.  (see Luke 19)  Those two servants who earned more than what they were given took a risk, that third one played it safe.

What risks are you taking in your life?  What are you doing with what Jesus has given you until He returns???

I started my crossfit journey at the end of July with Kodiak Crossfit. Since the first day I have been blessed with a group of people who push me and who believe in me. When my vision looks down they tell me to look up.  Together some of us are doing a challenge.  In some of the workouts I am not successful, I get frustrated and discouraged, but I am making progress physically, mentally, and spiritually.   My head may look down for a moment, but my focus is still up.

There was a day recently that the workout involved one thing I doubted I could do.  I had only attempted this once before without success and as a kid.  However, where I lacked belief, others made up for it.  I took a risk, even in my unbelief, kept my vision up, and tired. 

I understand keeping your head down, but I have learned:

Where you set your gaze affects your outcome!

 Jesus is the lifter of your head. If you do one thing to give yourself success, you will start to believe, and begin holding your head in belief. 

Transformation Tuesday Part 2

I went to the park after I worked out today.  This was a place as a child that took me away.  I felt God on those swings as I sang songs from my favorite records.  Some of favorites were Annie, Down by the Creek Bank, Smurfs, and The Oak Ridge Boys. I could belt out some "Elvira".  These were moments that the anxiety of life never touched.

You wanna know how I know Jesus is changing me, not just in numbers on the scale, but inside out???

I went there today, no I was called there!!!

  I was a little hesitant when I arrived, because there were people.  So, at first I walked, then, I talked to the people, and then I swung.  (of course I knew I needed to take a pic for this, because God had already laid it on my heart, so I told them I was there to take a picture for something I was doing)  I did not want them to think I was some crazy woman! ;)

I have swung before this day, but this was different.  Not only physically do I fit better in the swing, but emotionally and mentally. It was a moment that the anxiety of life could not touch.  I am having more and more of these moments.  The more I conquer physically the more God is showing me to let go emotionally and mentally, and allow His peace in. 

I am a planner.  I plan dinner., I plan laundry day. I plan cleaning day. I plan grocery store day.  Guess what? 

Yep!  I don't have a plan this week...I have not been to the store yet...and we are OK!!!!  I am not stressing about it. That is transformation!

Just like with the numbers on the scale, I have so far to go in this area. But,  I am thankful God made me with a bit of OCD and I will continue to plan, but I will allow the myself to continue to learn to let go.  I will go back to being a kid sometimes and create moments for me, my children, and my husband that the anxieties of life can't touch, but God can! 

Happy Transformation Tuesday!  

All things through Christ! 

The same cadence

I was sweating on the elliptical trainer a few weeks ago when I noticed what appeared to be two strangers running side by side on the treadmills.  I was mesmerized by them.  They ran with the same cadence. I was in awe of their rhythmic sequence.  Two complete strangers running with the same beat.

I allowed my mind to wander as I continued my not so rhythmic dance with the elliptical trainer and I had a few thoughts: 

1. I am thankful for the people who do life beside me at my pace.

2. I am thankful for the people who run ahead inspiring me to push myself and for the lessons they teach.

3. I am thankful for the ones who run behind, reminding me to slow down and enjoy the moments life gives.

4. I am thankful that God puts strangers, acquaintances, friends in our lives to run the race with.