Saturday, September 27, 2014

I have lost my marbles!!!

I am so sad to type these words, but I have in fact lost my marbles.  I have been floating around in the river of denial about this for a very, very long time.

If you look up the word denial I am certain you will find a picture of me.  I have refused to admit the truth.  I have not been facing reality.

Its time to quite floating down the river of denial.

Admitting the truth to yourself and others is hard, but it is in admitting it that you find freedom and the chains of bondage are unlocked

Thus, I have lost my marbles.

I had to move some of my pounds lost marbles back to the pounds to go.  I have not wanted to admit this to myself. I have played with some extra pounds since all of my physical struggles (knee surgery, oral surgery, bridge being replaced), but its time to face the reality that I have actually gained them. (it's not a large amount, but a gain is a gain)
I have lost some of my resolve and motivation for my journey.  I am still working out, but my nutrition has not been the best.  I have good days, good moments, bad days, bad moments.  This past week not only did I lose these marbles but, I also lost my marbles, feeling like I was going a little crazy. I had a break down.  My poor husband was not sure what to do or say. I felt like I did at the beginning of my journey.  The day I went to the casting call, while I was happy, I was miserable and I wanted to change.  When I weighed my heaviest, while my life was good, I felt sick, insecure, I hated what I looked like and how I felt. I was lost.  The last few months these feelings have come back, I have slipped back into some old habits, and the mirror of how God has been transforming me has been fogged.  Feelings of depression have invaded places of my soul, making my journey to chase what matters seem out of reach.
The night after my break down I was able to have a grown up conversation with my husband and we both concluded I need Jesus and crossfit on my journey.   While I have enjoyed attending chisel and zumba classes the last month, and I know I was obedient when I took the summer off of crossfit, it is time I get back to what works.
Jesus and Crossfit work!!!
Crossfit works like an antidepressant for me.  It does something for me emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually that keeps me on track.  It makes me better.  It helps keep me on track in my journey.  It helps me chase what matters.
The journey is not about perfection, but about moving forward.  I am stepping out of denial and losing my marbles so I can. I can not move forward till I face where I need to move from.
All things through Christ.  
Chase What Matters.  


Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Own It and Power Up.

I made a poster last night while watching Extreme Weight Loss. I have not been able to move a marble showing I have lost weight in a long time (many reasons for this),  but I am still pressing onward, getting strong, and getting fit...physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.  I may not always see it on the scale, but I can see it in pictures, in my behavior, in my choices, and this journey to transform is about total transformation...not just the scale.
So, I wanted to revisit my why and find inspiration to keep moving forward. Instead of specific goals, I went with words. Words that mean something on my journey.  I have lots of goals, but its some of these words and phrases that will help me get there and are my why.   The words we say, read, think, and believe are powerful. They can uplift or tear down.
"The tongue can bring death or life;..." Proverbs 18:21 
 I could have put so many more words and phrases on here, but this is what I went with:

I can't pick out any one word or phrase on here that are my favorites, but as I write there are 2 that stand out today. 
1. Own It.
I have to own the good, the bad, and the ugly. No one forces me to eat. No one forces me to workout.  No one forces me to spend time or not with Jesus.  I have to own my journey, my choices, my actions, my behaviors.
2. Power Up.
I have to power up with food choices and working out, but more importantly I have to power up with Jesus. He is the power behind my journey, my parenting, my marriage, my life.
What inspires you?  What is your why? 
Whatever you are discouraged by keep chasing.  Keep pressing onward. Own it and power up! 
Chase What Matters.  All things through Christ. 

Deep Sea Fishing

In July I wrote a post titled Fear and the outcome and I promised an update on deep sea fishing.

When we were discussing our trip I called Pelican Adventures,  the business that would take us on this deep sea fishing adventure.  I needed to ask questions and hear answers myself...What is the boat like?  Is it safe for my kids? (I really didn't want them going overboard!!)  Are there life jackets?  Will I feel the waves?  What about being sea sick?  Will I see land or only water all around me?  Will I feel the waves?  How long will we be on the boat?  Is it like riding an airplane, if you go out early you feel less turbulence, so if we go out early will we feel less waves? 

You get the idea. 

The lady who spoke with me was kind and patient, sweetly answering my questions and addressing my concerns. She gave me the name of this website so we could check the estimated height of the waves a few days in advance and suggested we book our fishing trip on a day that said 1-2ft. When we were looking at this site in Florida, I doubted I was reading it correctly, so I called them. A young man answered and I gave him an ear full of my concerns and the added concern of news reports about flesh eating bacteria. (which after much researching this is a naturally occurring bacteria in warm, salt water, if you do not eat oysters, you have  no open wounds while surfing the waters, shower, and pray for Jesus to calm your fears you will be fine!) He was very nice and patient and helped me decide what day would be a good for someone like me to go out.

The customer service at this place rocked!!!! 

I wasn't as nervous as I expected on the day we were going out to sea.   I am thankful that I didn't let fear win, nor did my daughter!!! We had a blast, and no one went overboard.  However, my oldest daughter did have a bad case of sea sickness on the way out, but with peppermint oil,  peppermints, rest, and staring at the horizon she was able to feel better and I got a little queasy on the way back....but it was worth it!! 

The water was beautiful!
Our captain.  I also learned that bananas are not allowed on boats!
Apparently in the boating world they are bad luck.  I didn't get a pic
 of our deck hand, but those boys worked so hard helping everyone fish!

I loved watching this flag!

Fishing with these rods was much harder
than I expected.  The weight on the line
made it pretty heavy!

They call this the emerald coast. It was amazing to see so much down in the water, it was so clear! It was beautiful!

Satan wants you to be paralyzed by fear, but when you move past the fear there is beauty, freedom,  memories, and fun to be had.
What are you letting fear keep you from? Are you going to choose to hold the hand of Jesus or drown??
Chase what matters.  All things through Christ.
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." (Psalms 56:3 HCSB)