Wednesday, October 23, 2013

So I had a bad day.....

Recently, my post have been on successes at the den and what those have taught me.  Today is a different tale!

The day began with a run that I could not complete. My left hamstring was not having it.  (I blame the stretching of said hamstring and sprints the day before.)

So, I rowed.

This was followed by stretching and some core strengthening.

And this, this was followed by the WOD a 10 minute AMRAP(as many rounds as possible):
5 HSPU  (hand stand push ups) modified using a box for me
20 meter sliders - you slide with your arms only for 20 meters.

And this was followed by another 10 minute AMRAP....and I am not sure what it was!?!?!  I ended up doing something different due to what occurred in WOD 1.  I did 10 sit-ups and 10 lunges.

I attempted a real HSPU before we started....just not quit there yet...I got the hand stand, just not the push up. 

So, I got set up on my box and knocked out 5.  I headed over to began my 20 meters of sliders, thus beginning the longest 20 meters of my life!!!

I quickly realized how physically, emotionally, and mentally hard this was.  I had many thoughts and emotions wash over me.  I thought about people who have suffered a spinal cord injury and how hard it must be for them to learn how to move using their arms.  As I attempted to maneuver across the floor, I became angry.  It was all I could do not to quit and walk out the door!!  I was feeling humiliated and defeated!!  I was mad at myself.  Mad for all the years I did not take care of my body.  Mad for all the times I have tried before just to quit.  Mad that I could not get across that floor any faster.  I grew even more mad when tears welled up in my eyes.

I also began hurting. I have been dealing with some muscle discomfort (not from working out!!)  and it tightened up. Now, I was mad for all the above reasons plus for the circumstances surrounding the physical pain. I finished those 20 meters and attempted another hand stand push up on the box, the pain was too much.  In 10 minutes time, I completed 1 round.  That 1 round pretty much took  the whole 10 minutes.   My Coach knew something was that moment as bad as the pain was physically, it was worse emotionally, and mentally. 

I needed/wanted a good ole fashion cry session.

I did the 2nd AMRAP.  I have no idea how many rounds I did. It was hard to count and get through the pain, however doing it helped me feel slightly better about the failure I had just endured during the first AMRAP.

So I had a bad day.....

There have been times during the last few months that I worked out sooner than I should have....out of fear. 

Fear that if I if I don't go, I will give myself too much time off.

Fear that sickness or injury will lead me back to old habits.

Fear that I will not show a loss on the scale that week.

Fear that taking time off will put me back too many steps.  (And yes intellectually I know that if I hurt myself that will put me back more.)

But here is what I know:

Fear is a feeling, not a fact. 

Christ did not give me a Spirit of fear. (see 2 Timothy 1:7)

I have a pack of bears that will not let me stay gone.

My kids and my husband are in my corner.

I have family and friends that are supporting me.

Bad days happen and I am learning how to deal with them in healthier ways.  (The ones that happen in a workout and outside of one.)

That facing the emotions and mental things that wash up in a workout are sometimes the WOD.

Jesus did not bring me this far to leave me.

I love the lyrics to this song written by by Jessi Alexander and Jon Mabe:

"The Climb"

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!
Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Saturday, October 19, 2013

What are you looking at??

I was discussing Psalm 123 a few weeks ago with a group of ladies and was reminded of how important vision is!!!

Verse 1 says "I lift my eyes to You, the One enthroned in heaven."

As babies vision is vital to the development of strength, balance, perception, and many other skills.  As we continue into adulthood vision is just as important for these skills and many others.

In various areas of our lives we must look in a million different directions, however there are things that require focus. 

In crossfit my coach will say "look straight", the minute I don't focus I loose form, strength, and balance.

In parenting the minute I don't focus on what matters I loose my strength to remain calm and gentle.

In my marriage if I focus on the wrong things it creates tension.

In my walk with Jesus if I take my focus off of Him, I will sink like Peter. (see Matthew 14)

I have attempted this weight loss journey so many times, but my vision was always downcast.  I never lifted my eyes in belief or trust that God would answer my prayers.
I would get distracted or discouraged and loose my vision.  My vision has always been on "I can't".  I had to make a choice to change my vision and my belief to "I can", and trust Jesus in this area.  

There is a story in the bible about a king who gives his servants money. He asks them to put the money to work until he returns.  They all receive the same amount of money but what they did with it varied. One servant earned double the amount, one earned half the amount, and the last servant buried his money to keep it safe.  (see Luke 19)  Those two servants who earned more than what they were given took a risk, that third one played it safe.

What risks are you taking in your life?  What are you doing with what Jesus has given you until He returns???

I started my crossfit journey at the end of July with Kodiak Crossfit. Since the first day I have been blessed with a group of people who push me and who believe in me. When my vision looks down they tell me to look up.  Together some of us are doing a challenge.  In some of the workouts I am not successful, I get frustrated and discouraged, but I am making progress physically, mentally, and spiritually.   My head may look down for a moment, but my focus is still up.

There was a day recently that the workout involved one thing I doubted I could do.  I had only attempted this once before without success and as a kid.  However, where I lacked belief, others made up for it.  I took a risk, even in my unbelief, kept my vision up, and tired. 

I understand keeping your head down, but I have learned:
Where you set your gaze affects your outcome!

 Jesus is the lifter of your head. If you do one thing to give yourself success, you will start to believe, and begin holding your head in belief. 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Transformation Tuesday Part 2

I went to the park after I worked out today.  This was a place as a child that took me away.  I felt God on those swings as I sang songs from my favorite records.  Some of favorites were Annie, Down by the Creek Bank, Smurfs, and The Oak Ridge Boys. I could belt out some "Elvira".  These were moments that the anxiety of life never touched.

You wanna know how I know Jesus is changing me, not just in numbers on the scale, but inside out???
I went there today, no I was called there!!!
  I was a little hesitant when I arrived, because there were people.  So, at first I walked, then, I talked to the people, and then I swung.  (of course I knew I needed to take a pic for this, because God had already laid it on my heart, so I told them I was there to take a picture for something I was doing)  I did not want them to think I was some crazy woman! ;)

I have swung before this day, but this was different.  Not only physically do I fit better in the swing, but emotionally and mentally. It was a moment that the anxiety of life could not touch.  I am having more and more of these moments.  The more I conquer physically the more God is showing me to let go emotionally and mentally, and allow His peace in. 

I am a planner.  I plan dinner., I plan laundry day. I plan cleaning day. I plan grocery store day.  Guess what? 

Yep!  I don't have a plan this week...I have not been to the store yet...and we are OK!!!!  I am not stressing about it. That is transformation!

Just like with the numbers on the scale, I have so far to go in this area. But,  I am thankful God made me with a bit of OCD and I will continue to plan, but I will allow the myself to continue to learn to let go.  I will go back to being a kid sometimes and create moments for me, my children, and my husband that the anxieties of life can't touch, but God can! 

Happy Transformation Tuesday!  
All things through Christ!