Thursday, March 12, 2015

Getting back on the bike

Journeys are often paved with rocky roads.....mine included.  I have been making effort, but I have struggled a lot over the last year and my effort is not effective.   I told someone recently I feel like I fell off my bike and I just need a little push, a little help learning to get on again. 

I stated in my last post, I am not where I was physically or mentally, but I am not where I started either, and I know that my journey is not over!

April 2013/February 2015
I left crossfit in December and planned to workout at home. My husband and I agreed that I could do crossfit, if I worked enough hours to cover the cost....I wasn't able to do that (that's a long story).  I felt convicted that I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain after having lunch with a friend and reading an article. Jesus was calling me to honor my husband and I wanted to be I quit.
However.....that did not go so well. I felt completely lost on my journey.  I spent hours researching diet plans, instead of listening to Jesus.  I spent hours re-reading diet books, instead of listening to my body.  I let ALL the diet voices throughout my life get in my head. I found myself feeling similar to the day I tried out for Extreme Weight Loss.  I also found myself thinking I should try out again, but I couldn't. I have shown myself capable of weight loss at home, but can't leave my family.  Tween years are to hard and my youngest kinda likes her mama. I just couldn't bring myself to try out. 
I thought about crossfit again, but I still wasn't working enough hours and I feel like I need some one on one help to get me back on the bike and push me.  In January I found someone. I was very impressed with his response to my email. He has great insight into this journey I am on and is very encouraging.
Yall meet Adam:

Check out his website!!!
Did you check out his website??  Okay then keep reading!  :)
I am thrilled to get to begin working out with Adam next week. I sold a few things, got a job, bought some new workout clothes and can't wait to get on a less rocky path.
This is what I sold to help pay for workouts with Adam! 

I officially joined the gym today where I will workout.

I can't wait to see what the next 10 weeks will bring!!  I think that is a great way to help me keep chasing what matters and help me be in 2015.   

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Be Still

February's focus was to be consistent.

Here is what I learned:

I am consistently inconsistent!!!!  Okay, maybe I should give myself a little credit.... I am consistent, just not consistent on the right things all the time.

I am really good at consistently worrying.  I have a tendency to allow my mind to run places. If I lost a pound for every place it's ran this month....I would be at my goal weight and then some!!!

I showed a lot of consistency after trying out for Extreme Weight Loss, but when life threw me curve balls I went back to many old behaviors and mind sets.  This months focus has opened my eyes to this. 

I also learned that I tend to get paralyzed by my own stuff and I need to take up my mat and walk. (see Mark 2:9)

I am not where I was physically or mentally, but I am not where I started either, and I know that my journey is not over!

If you have read some of my blog, then you know I have faced a lot of health stuff...knee surgery, dental stuff (over a year of dental stuff...but I think there may be light at the end of the tunnel), and in January/February I got bronchitis.  I could not kick it. (The congestion is still lingering.)  My ear would not clear up, so I made an appointment with an ENT.  At the visit I learned I have mild hearing loss due to the fluid (this was no surprise I have hearing loss anyway from my ear history), however the doc found a nodule on my thyroid.  (It's like taking your car to a mechanic....always one more thing or at least that is how it has been for me over the last year plus).  Although nodules are common, he wanted blood work and a biopsy. 

A biopsy. 

At first it was the fact that I was dealing with one more thing that got the best of me, but then my mind ran.  Again, if I lost a pound for every place it ran, I would be at my goal weight and then some.....except instead of handling this by turning to Jesus, exercise, or friends I turned to my old friend food. 

In February I found myself trying to figure out a plan to help me on my weight loss journey again and with my health. Constantly searching, but not consistently doing. (So thankful for the person encouraging me in this area right now, but that is another post.)

All of  this mind running and searching has lead me to March's focus.....Be Still. 

I love the definition of still: remaining in place or at rest, free from sound or noise, free from turbulence or commotion; peaceful; tranquil; calm, to quiet, subdue, or cause to subside. 

I want to be still! 

Jesus showed me how I don't remain at rest.  I let noise from my thoughts, my circumstances, Satan, others,  and the internet keep me from being still.  (this happens in many areas not just when I need a biopsy....even with food...I let so many voices in my head that I do not remain still in healthy eating)

When I went in for my biopsy, the doc did the ultrasound and said the nodule was both fluid and solid and that is not what we like to see.  My mind really ran! The nodule was 3.1 cm, he drained 7cc of fluid.  I also have a small one on the left side.   The anxiety of the biopsy was worse than the biopsy, but the stress of waiting was even worse.  It was in waiting for the results that God confirmed I needed to focus on being still.  Being still in Him. 

I got the call today...It's benign, follow up in 6 months.   What a weight lifted!!  It makes it easier to be still!!  I found myself  before I got the call today playing out the what ifs.  My goal was to not use food no matter the out come.  Although it was very, very tempting to go to IHOP for free pancakes to celebrate. 

Instead we celebrated with good for you pancakes, a kale/fruit smoothie, and sausage.

Even though these are so common, when your told we need to rule out cancer its scary.

I am praising Jesus it is not!!!  I am thankful for the family and friends who encouraged and prayed me through the last few weeks. 

Here's to working on remaining  at rest, practicing not letting turbulence throw me, and subduing the noise. 

Be still.

Psalm 46:10

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

Monday, February 2, 2015

Be Consistent

My focus in January was to be present.

It started out fairly easy.  I spent more time with my family, had lunch with a friend essentially phone free, and I was to able to meet a need.  I was able to meet the need, because I was paying attention to things around me instead of the glow of my phone.

I decreased my social media use a lot and I didn't miss as much as I thought I would. 

I do kinda miss my favorite food tracking app and may start using that again...but I don't want to get tripped up by numbers or not finding the exact food I am attempting to track.

As I continue to be in 2015, I know I need to continue to work on being present.   There are wonderful moments and people I don't want to miss by not being present. 

As February begins, my focus this month is to be consistent. 

I want to be consistent in workouts.  I want to be consistent in prayer.  I want to be consistent in bible study.  I want to be consistent with healthy eating.  I want to be consistent on my path to chase what matters. I want to be consistent with drinking water.  I want to be consistent with getting enough rest.  I want to be consistent in being present.  I want to be consistent as I parent. 

It's not about being perfect, I am so far from that, I am a mess really,  but the focus this month is to just be consistent instead of hit or miss.

Is there anything you need to work on being more consistent with? 

What do you want to be in 2015?? How do you want to live?  How to do you want to be identified?  What qualities do you want to describe you?  What words do you want used to describe your condition?

Let's Be in 2015!!!


One word.  One year.


Monday, January 5, 2015

Let's Be in 2015

Last year I moved from resolutions that I never kept, to choosing one word (not that I ever really made resolutions).  The concept came from the book called One Word That Will Change Your Life by Jon Gordon, Dan Briton, and Jimmy Page.  I love, love, love this idea!   One word. One year. 

I choose the word chase in 2014.  I learned a lot about chasing what matters. I chased Jesus, health, transformation, and people.

In 2015 I want to not just chase, I want to be.

According to Merriam-Webster be is,

—used to indicate the identity of a person or thing
—used to describe the qualities of a person or thing
—used to indicate the condition of a person or thing

According to be means to exist or live.

God laid this word on my heart during church on 12-14-14.  It seemed kinda odd to me at first, but then I got excited. Your always asked as a kid "what do you want to be?", well even as an adult I need to ask myself,  what do I want to be!!!! 

I want to Be:
obedient, still, consistent, forgiving, present, kind, loving, merciful, healthy, joyful, content, peaceful, gentle, grateful, disciplined, silly, a better mother, a better wife, strong, faithful, a writer, a student, funny, self-controlled, more like Jesus. 

And so much more.

We can choose how and what to be.

So, in 2015 I will choose to Just Be.

Every month focusing on a different be.

In January my focus is to be present.

Yesterday I looked at a few percentages of my phone use:
32% of my phone use was on facebook
28% was surfing the web
4% was my bible app
1% was actual phone use

In the last 7 days:
42% was on faceboook
5% was phone use
1% was my bible app

And I claim I don't have enough time for things!!

I attempted to go back to check my fitness and health apps, but due to my indulging over the holidays those have not been used much.

I don't want my phone usage to identify me as only using it for social media. Now, I do usually use my actual bible and not my app, but seriously these percentages are sad!!!    I want to be more present in engaging with people around me.  (No, this is not me declaring I am leaving facebook , but I am going to work on being less present there and more present with who or where I am at!!) 

I am also taking a break from my favorite food tracking app.  I am going old school.....pen and paper.  I have gotten so caught up tracking my food that I am less present during meals and those I share them with.

I think that both of these thing have almost become an idol in my life and I want to take them down. 

I want to be more present as I hang with my kids.  I want to be more present as I drive.  I want to be more present as I workout.  I want to be present during my bible study.  I want be present with my husband.  I want to be present during meals. I want to be present with friends, not just hanging out with people through facebook.

And maybe just maybe my phone battery will last a little longer.

What do you want to be in 2015?? How do you want to live?  How to do you want to be identified?  What qualities do you want to describe you?  What words do you want used to describe your condition?

Let's Be in 2015!!!


One word.  One year.


Friday, December 12, 2014

Santa and Jesus

How does Santa fit down the chimney?  What if he can't fit down the chimney?  What if the elf loses its magic? Did the angel leave us a note?  (please click here for details on this angel)

The many questions of Christmas.

The day I found out Santa was not real broke my heart. I remember finding the teeth the tooth fairy never was also the moment I found out about the Easter bunny.  I don't remember how old I was, but I recall crying on the floor in my parents room, my childhood crumbling around me.

I loved Santa.  I loved Christmas.  I loved the magic and spirit of it all.  I have so many wonderful memories surrounding this season.  Even after I got up off that floor it was my favorite time of year.  My mom said, as long you believe in Santa he will still come, thus the game continued.

Fast-forward to my adulthood and my family.  My husband and I discussed rather we wanted to play the game, it was a hard choice.  I didn't want my kids to have broken hearts.  I didn't want my kids feeling lied to. I didn't want my kids to think that Jesus was a game.  Yet,  I didn't want them to miss out on the fun of all things Santa.  I really do love the game!

So, we play. 

My oldest child always enjoyed Santa, but has never been as passionate and demonstrative in her belief as my youngest.  My oldest child now knows the truth and handled it pretty well, but I see myself in my youngest and worry about the heartbreak that could occur in just a few short years. 

And now, now we have this stinking elf to deal with too and a Christmas Angel.  While it is fun to watch as they hunt for these every morning, it is more possible heartbreak to endure. 

However, as I was having lunch with a friend and we discussed the game it dawned on me how I can relate the games of Christmas with the truth of Jesus. 

My child has so much wonder on her face as she finds the newest hiding place of our elf and our angel every morning.  She questions the mysteries of Santa.  There are many unknowns in her about how it works, so much wonder, so much mystery, and yet there is so much belief. 

On the day when she finds out the truth of Christmas that is how I will show her the truth of  Christ.  I want to her to understand that in Christ we will wonder why and how, in Christ there will be mysteries, but just like she believed in Santa, the elf, the angel despite her wonder and questions, that that is how she is to believe in Christ.

And as her heartbreaks I will trust that the greatest gift of Christmas will pick up the pieces and increase her faith in him.

In the words of Bethel Music from their song titled "Wonder":

May we never lose our wonder
May we never lose our wonder
Wide eyed and mystified
May we be just like a child
Staring at the beauty of our King

Friday, November 14, 2014

Feeling like He isn't coming through

Sometimes you hold on to something unknowingly.

I recently became pretty fed up with dealing with my teeth and my health.  I am tried of feeling like I am not moving forward on my journey to weight loss and I am tired of not feeling good.  It is an obstacle in my quest to chase what matters....and I have never been great at jumping hurdles.  I usually trip and fall on them.

This time has been no different in the fact that I have tripped and fallen numerous times, but its been distinct in that I keep getting up and it has been set apart, because of how God has used it to speak to me. 

Recently, I sat listening to Beth Moore and realized my frustration also lies in feeling like God just isn't coming through.  This isn't the first time I have felt this way, but it was the first time I became fully aware and honest of this obstacle in my relationship with God.  I have been unknowingly holding on to this for years...and this has been a break down in my belief, my faith, my journey to chase what matters.  This realization brought tears to my eyes.  There was a person in my past that often never came through for me, I thought I had dealt with my issues from this, but obliviously there was more to deal with. 

I texted a friend and asked for prayer in regards to this.  About 8 months ago we had a conversation about my belief or lack there of....I often use the verse from Mark 9:24 "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

I have continued to process this, asking God over and over, what do I do with this, how do I move forward?

I ended up sharing with my husband my struggle and he prayed for me.
 I posted on social media this week something I wrote in my bible study margin:

Conversations with God are like conversations with people, it takes time to get to the depth of a subject, but once there the words/lessons are unforgettable.

This is what I know is true:  HE SPEAKS!!! 

11-9-14  As we walked into the church sanctuary on this day, we were handed cups and bread for the Lord's Supper. We worshiped, we took the juice and the bread and the words that fell on my heart, brought tears to my eyes and joy to my soul....."I have already came through for you!"

While I have know this most of life, I haven't known it, like I did this particular morning.  He doesn't have to do anything, He already did!!!!!

Am I living like He has come through for me??

Then the message was spoken.  It was about discontentment and comparison. Yep, I often act discontent. I have grumbled about the trial of my journey.  I have complained about my teeth.  I have complained about my house.  I have griped about my spouse, my kids.

I took many notes on this day and remember the pastor saying we often say if and when...when my kids get older, if I get this job....ect.....for me I have been feeling discontent, I was saying if I felt better, if I was moving forward along the journey (aka losing weight), then I would be happier...but God, God already came through. He sent His son for us. It's not a matter of when or if, He already did...and that should make us content!!!

11-10-14  I opened my Children of the Day study by Beth Moore and dived in only to get splashed in the face with my own words.  She writes "As spiritual people, we tend to tie our hopelessness to our belief that God has somehow let us down or refused to come through."  My jaw feel open. Those were my words, my feelings.

Belief is tied to hopelessness- what are you believing? 

I love that God speaks.

I want to listen!!! 

Beth Moore goes on to say "God is your help.  He is your strength. This whole thing is not dependent on you..." She continues with "In His hands, we find solace. In His heart, we find rest.  In His time, we find meaning. In His eyes, we are blessed. In His strength, we're made mighty.  In His light, morning breaks. In His Word, He has promised. In His coming, sleepers wake.

I don't know what you are holding onto knowingly or unknowingly, but please know He has already come through!!  

This doesn't mean that my journey or yours will be easy, but it gives us freedom to

Chase What Matters!!


Friday, October 31, 2014

What's gonna grow??

Since I started my journey I have learned many things about myself, one being that I am stronger physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually than I give myself credit for. (and of course this comes from Christ!!)

On Wednesday I had to have yet another root canal.  I am going on almost 9 months since my dental stuff started.  The stress and impact on my journey has been huge, but I am hanging in and continuing to chase what matters. 

This root canal was fairly simple, but I did have to see a specialist for it.  I planned on going to crossfit before my appointment, but decided I needed a rest day physically, mentally, and spiritually.  I spent the morning with a few of my favorite things and posted this pic on social media.

I carry a cross that I normally hold for things like this in my purse, but on this day I added my koosh ball to hold as well.  I was a little nervous and anxious, but it felt normal...after all, after 9 months I am just over all things dental. I turned up the song "You Make Me Brave" by Bethel Music and Amanda Cook, allowing the words to wash over me.  I also posted about this on social media with this pic, and I stated "I am believing I am gonna have a dental break till I am old and need dentures."

I arrived at the office and still felt nervous, but it was not an abnormal nervous. After I was numb, the assistant pulled off my temporary crown, and I felt so relieved it did not hurt. (This tooth has been hypersensitive since we began the process of changing my bridge.)  Then it was time to isolate the tooth, the assistant began the process and she asked me if I was hot, I said no, but that I needed to sit up.....I was on the verge of an anxiety attack and felt like I might pass out.  I clung tighter to my cross and my koosh ball, tears welled up in my eyes, and I asked to go to the bathroom.  I prayed, I mentally refocused, and repeated the song title over and over..."You Make Me Brave".  I went back to the chair and we began again. During the time in the chair there were 2 other times I became so overwhelmed with anxiety....but I repeated praying, the song title, and refocused.

It amazed and reminded me that through prayer and refocusing God can and will help me transform my mind. What power He gives!!  So many times my mind and thoughts are negative....that can have power too. It's not that I am a negative person, but I tend to worry and think anxious thoughts.

I am currently doing a bible study by Beth Moore called The Children of the Day.  In today's study I concluded that focused emotions can grow and grow.  Beth Moore states "Perhaps you also compared 1 Samuel 18:29 and Philippians 1:14 and noted that fear has an overwhelming tendency to increase even more but, praise God, so has courage.....Ask yourself this question as I do the same: knowing the propensity of things to grow, which way do I want to go?"

In that dental chair I could have easily gave into the fear wanting to grow, but through Christ, through prayer, through transforming my mind, I didn't!!   

It's hard to trust and focus during trials, but if we don't that allows the negative space to grow and take hold.

We can't control the situation, but we can control what grows...Fear or courage.  Strength or weakness. Our waist lines or our health. Our love or hatred.  Bitterness or forgiveness.

All things through Christ!!!

Chase What Matters.