Monday, April 13, 2015

Well, hello Monday and hello pity party

Well, hello Monday and hello pity party.

I was a mess of emotions this morning....from feeling sorry for myself to being mad at myself, and everything in between.

This morning my trainer Adam at Lose Inches-Personal Training had to play therapist not just trainer.  (I highly recommend him for his ability to do this!!!) 

Two years ago I walked into a casting call for Extreme Weight Loss, while this day changed my life, I was pouting this morning that I am not at my goal like others that went to casting calls for this same season,  pouting because I am not where I was a year ago, and pouting because I want to be.

However, I am not at my heaviest and I am not the same girl I was on April 13, 2013. 

April 13, 2013/April 12, 2015



April 13, 2013 was not my heaviest weight (that was March of 2011) and April 12, 2015 has not been my lowest weight in the last 2 years......that is why this is a journey.  No journey is paved with a straight line.  It's paved with twists, turns, and circles.


I am thankful for the journey.  I have met some amazing fitness professional in the area where I live and had the privilege of working with them.  I have met some amazing people through social media.  I have even gotten to speak with someone who was on the show.  I have learned to ask for help.  I have learned to share more feelings, instead of wearing them. Jesus has taught me many lessons (including this one) and walked through the last year plus of health issues with me. I even have new teeth to show for it (don't wrap you car around a light pole) and thankfully a benign biopsy. I am also learning to be more balanced instead of extreme. (I struggled with this back in January of 2014 and here I am still learning) (I think I just found my focus for May?? be balanced, see here for more on that)


In my letter to Chris Powell I wrote I wanted to leave a different legacy to my kids and I am.  My kids have been learning to eat more healthy foods over the last 2 years, how to make healthier choices, how to make treats healthier, and my oldest daughter wants to run a 5k with me.


 
I may not be at my goal weight, but there is transformation. I will keep fighting.  I will not give up.  I know that my story is not finished.  Jesus and I are still writing.
 
Whatever journey your on don't quit.  Whatever you want to be in 2015, don't give up. Obstacles, detours, circles, are all part of the journey and the learning.  Keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Keep showing up!
 
 
I wrote this letter to myself in this post  in November of 2013 and wanted to remind myself again.  I hope it helps you too.
 
 
Dear Shelly,

Do you understand how far you have come?  How far God has brought you on this journey?? At your heaviest you were tired, anxious, depressed. Everything was hard...everything!!  Your emotions controlled your food choices. After losing some weight, you then had the courage to try our for a TV show and have continued to fight ever since. Did you know that no matter what you put in your mouth or how your workout went, you Shelly are fearfully and wonderfully made??  The bible tells you so!  Did you know that in any journey to see some rainbows, you have to have a little rain?? This week is just a little rain.  Don't let it drown you! God did not bring you this far to leave you! Remember when you don't eat well, you don't feel well.  How do you want to feel today? You are worth the hard work, time, and effort this journey takes! You have 2 girls snuggled in their beds that are watching your journey. You have a husband who loves you and supports your efforts.  Remember your trying to leave a different legacy, and you are.  The goals you have before you will take time to reach. You will take 2 steps forward and 4 steps back at times, but you know God has surrounded you with what you need for your journey.  Yes, you fell down this week physically(I fell during a workout this week, thus facing a fear) and with food, but that does not mean you quit.  It means you faced some fears and have some choices.  Will you get back up and not allow yourself to be tangled up in the web of old habits?  There is a great quote in the ebook "The Unwired Mom" by Sarah Mae "And when you do mess it all up, there is grace that says, "It's okay, you're covered. Get up and try again. You are not alone in this." 

You got this, all things through Christ.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Friday, April 3, 2015

Be Listening

"You're short on ears and long on mouth" - John Wayne



One word, one year.

Be.

Focusing on how I want to live....that is what this one word be means.  Each month as I have focused on something, I am finding it is usually something I need to improve on!!!

January's focus was to be present.
February was to be consistent.
March was to be still.  (I really like this one, my mind needs to remember to be still!!!)

All areas I need to continue to focus on being.

April's focus is to be listening. 

Listening to God.  Listening to the needs around me.  Listening to my family. Listening to words. Listening to music. Listening to my body. Listening to my trainer.  Listening to the quiet.

Be listening.

I tend to often to react to what my kids say and not listen.  I hear the first words that come out of their sweet mouths and react.

I found 2 quotes that at times sums up my parenting:

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. " - Stephen R. Covey

and

"We talked for four hours. Well, I talked for four, and she listened for two" - Jarod Kintz


Often times my listening is blocked by distractions.... technology, my thoughts, my to do list. and even my own talking.

I don't want to miss something, because I am not listening.

So you have something to say to me April is the month to say it.


Be listening!!

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Getting back on the bike

Journeys are often paved with rocky roads.....mine included.  I have been making effort, but I have struggled a lot over the last year and my effort is not effective.   I told someone recently I feel like I fell off my bike and I just need a little push, a little help learning to get on again. 

I stated in my last post, I am not where I was physically or mentally, but I am not where I started either, and I know that my journey is not over!
 


April 2013/February 2015
 
I left crossfit in December and planned to workout at home. My husband and I agreed that I could do crossfit, if I worked enough hours to cover the cost....I wasn't able to do that (that's a long story).  I felt convicted that I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain after having lunch with a friend and reading an article. Jesus was calling me to honor my husband and I wanted to be obedient....so I quit.
 
However.....that did not go so well. I felt completely lost on my journey.  I spent hours researching diet plans, instead of listening to Jesus.  I spent hours re-reading diet books, instead of listening to my body.  I let ALL the diet voices throughout my life get in my head. I found myself feeling similar to the day I tried out for Extreme Weight Loss.  I also found myself thinking I should try out again, but I couldn't. I have shown myself capable of weight loss at home, but can't leave my family.  Tween years are to hard and my youngest kinda likes her mama. I just couldn't bring myself to try out. 
 
I thought about crossfit again, but I still wasn't working enough hours and I feel like I need some one on one help to get me back on the bike and push me.  In January I found someone. I was very impressed with his response to my email. He has great insight into this journey I am on and is very encouraging.
 
Yall meet Adam:


Check out his website!!!  http://loseinchesallen.com/
 
Did you check out his website??  Okay then keep reading!  :)
 
 
I am thrilled to get to begin working out with Adam next week. I sold a few things, got a job, bought some new workout clothes and can't wait to get on a less rocky path.
 
This is what I sold to help pay for workouts with Adam! 
 
 



I officially joined the gym today where I will workout.






I can't wait to see what the next 10 weeks will bring!!  I think that is a great way to help me keep chasing what matters and help me be in 2015.   

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Be Still

February's focus was to be consistent.

Here is what I learned:

I am consistently inconsistent!!!!  Okay, maybe I should give myself a little credit.... I am consistent, just not consistent on the right things all the time.

I am really good at consistently worrying.  I have a tendency to allow my mind to run places. If I lost a pound for every place it's ran this month....I would be at my goal weight and then some!!!

I showed a lot of consistency after trying out for Extreme Weight Loss, but when life threw me curve balls I went back to many old behaviors and mind sets.  This months focus has opened my eyes to this. 

I also learned that I tend to get paralyzed by my own stuff and I need to take up my mat and walk. (see Mark 2:9)

I am not where I was physically or mentally, but I am not where I started either, and I know that my journey is not over!

If you have read some of my blog, then you know I have faced a lot of health stuff...knee surgery, dental stuff (over a year of dental stuff...but I think there may be light at the end of the tunnel), and in January/February I got bronchitis.  I could not kick it. (The congestion is still lingering.)  My ear would not clear up, so I made an appointment with an ENT.  At the visit I learned I have mild hearing loss due to the fluid (this was no surprise I have hearing loss anyway from my ear history), however the doc found a nodule on my thyroid.  (It's like taking your car to a mechanic....always one more thing or at least that is how it has been for me over the last year plus).  Although nodules are common, he wanted blood work and a biopsy. 

A biopsy. 

At first it was the fact that I was dealing with one more thing that got the best of me, but then my mind ran.  Again, if I lost a pound for every place it ran, I would be at my goal weight and then some.....except instead of handling this by turning to Jesus, exercise, or friends I turned to my old friend food. 

In February I found myself trying to figure out a plan to help me on my weight loss journey again and with my health. Constantly searching, but not consistently doing. (So thankful for the person encouraging me in this area right now, but that is another post.)

All of  this mind running and searching has lead me to March's focus.....Be Still. 

I love the definition of still: remaining in place or at rest, free from sound or noise, free from turbulence or commotion; peaceful; tranquil; calm, to quiet, subdue, or cause to subside. 

I want to be still! 

Jesus showed me how I don't remain at rest.  I let noise from my thoughts, my circumstances, Satan, others,  and the internet keep me from being still.  (this happens in many areas not just when I need a biopsy....even with food...I let so many voices in my head that I do not remain still in healthy eating)

When I went in for my biopsy, the doc did the ultrasound and said the nodule was both fluid and solid and that is not what we like to see.  My mind really ran! The nodule was 3.1 cm, he drained 7cc of fluid.  I also have a small one on the left side.   The anxiety of the biopsy was worse than the biopsy, but the stress of waiting was even worse.  It was in waiting for the results that God confirmed I needed to focus on being still.  Being still in Him. 

I got the call today...It's benign, follow up in 6 months.   What a weight lifted!!  It makes it easier to be still!!  I found myself  before I got the call today playing out the what ifs.  My goal was to not use food no matter the out come.  Although it was very, very tempting to go to IHOP for free pancakes to celebrate. 

Instead we celebrated with good for you pancakes, a kale/fruit smoothie, and sausage.






Even though these are so common, when your told we need to rule out cancer its scary.

I am praising Jesus it is not!!!  I am thankful for the family and friends who encouraged and prayed me through the last few weeks. 

Here's to working on remaining  at rest, practicing not letting turbulence throw me, and subduing the noise. 

Be still.



Psalm 46:10

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    




Monday, February 2, 2015

Be Consistent

My focus in January was to be present.

It started out fairly easy.  I spent more time with my family, had lunch with a friend essentially phone free, and I was to able to meet a need.  I was able to meet the need, because I was paying attention to things around me instead of the glow of my phone.

I decreased my social media use a lot and I didn't miss as much as I thought I would. 

I do kinda miss my favorite food tracking app and may start using that again...but I don't want to get tripped up by numbers or not finding the exact food I am attempting to track.

As I continue to be in 2015, I know I need to continue to work on being present.   There are wonderful moments and people I don't want to miss by not being present. 

As February begins, my focus this month is to be consistent. 

I want to be consistent in workouts.  I want to be consistent in prayer.  I want to be consistent in bible study.  I want to be consistent with healthy eating.  I want to be consistent on my path to chase what matters. I want to be consistent with drinking water.  I want to be consistent with getting enough rest.  I want to be consistent in being present.  I want to be consistent as I parent. 

It's not about being perfect, I am so far from that, I am a mess really,  but the focus this month is to just be consistent instead of hit or miss.

Is there anything you need to work on being more consistent with? 




What do you want to be in 2015?? How do you want to live?  How to do you want to be identified?  What qualities do you want to describe you?  What words do you want used to describe your condition?

Let's Be in 2015!!!

 

One word.  One year.

Be.



Monday, January 5, 2015

Let's Be in 2015

Last year I moved from resolutions that I never kept, to choosing one word (not that I ever really made resolutions).  The concept came from the book called One Word That Will Change Your Life by Jon Gordon, Dan Briton, and Jimmy Page.  I love, love, love this idea!   One word. One year. 

I choose the word chase in 2014.  I learned a lot about chasing what matters. I chased Jesus, health, transformation, and people.

In 2015 I want to not just chase, I want to be.

According to Merriam-Webster be is,

—used to indicate the identity of a person or thing
—used to describe the qualities of a person or thing
—used to indicate the condition of a person or thing

According to Dictionary.com be means to exist or live.

God laid this word on my heart during church on 12-14-14.  It seemed kinda odd to me at first, but then I got excited. Your always asked as a kid "what do you want to be?", well even as an adult I need to ask myself,  what do I want to be!!!! 

I want to Be:
obedient, still, consistent, forgiving, present, kind, loving, merciful, healthy, joyful, content, peaceful, gentle, grateful, disciplined, silly, a better mother, a better wife, strong, faithful, a writer, a student, funny, self-controlled, more like Jesus. 

And so much more.

We can choose how and what to be.

So, in 2015 I will choose to Just Be.

Every month focusing on a different be.

In January my focus is to be present.

Yesterday I looked at a few percentages of my phone use:
32% of my phone use was on facebook
28% was surfing the web
4% was my bible app
1% was actual phone use

In the last 7 days:
42% was on faceboook
5% was phone use
1% was my bible app

And I claim I don't have enough time for things!!

I attempted to go back to check my fitness and health apps, but due to my indulging over the holidays those have not been used much.

I don't want my phone usage to identify me as only using it for social media. Now, I do usually use my actual bible and not my app, but seriously these percentages are sad!!!    I want to be more present in engaging with people around me.  (No, this is not me declaring I am leaving facebook , but I am going to work on being less present there and more present with who or where I am at!!) 

I am also taking a break from my favorite food tracking app.  I am going old school.....pen and paper.  I have gotten so caught up tracking my food that I am less present during meals and those I share them with.

I think that both of these thing have almost become an idol in my life and I want to take them down. 

I want to be more present as I hang with my kids.  I want to be more present as I drive.  I want to be more present as I workout.  I want to be present during my bible study.  I want be present with my husband.  I want to be present during meals. I want to be present with friends, not just hanging out with people through facebook.

And maybe just maybe my phone battery will last a little longer.

What do you want to be in 2015?? How do you want to live?  How to do you want to be identified?  What qualities do you want to describe you?  What words do you want used to describe your condition?

Let's Be in 2015!!!

 

One word.  One year.

Be.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Santa and Jesus

How does Santa fit down the chimney?  What if he can't fit down the chimney?  What if the elf loses its magic? Did the angel leave us a note?  (please click here for details on this angel)

The many questions of Christmas.

The day I found out Santa was not real broke my heart. I remember finding the teeth the tooth fairy never took...it was also the moment I found out about the Easter bunny.  I don't remember how old I was, but I recall crying on the floor in my parents room, my childhood crumbling around me.

I loved Santa.  I loved Christmas.  I loved the magic and spirit of it all.  I have so many wonderful memories surrounding this season.  Even after I got up off that floor it was my favorite time of year.  My mom said, as long you believe in Santa he will still come, thus the game continued.

Fast-forward to my adulthood and my family.  My husband and I discussed rather we wanted to play the game, it was a hard choice.  I didn't want my kids to have broken hearts.  I didn't want my kids feeling lied to. I didn't want my kids to think that Jesus was a game.  Yet,  I didn't want them to miss out on the fun of all things Santa.  I really do love the game!

So, we play. 

My oldest child always enjoyed Santa, but has never been as passionate and demonstrative in her belief as my youngest.  My oldest child now knows the truth and handled it pretty well, but I see myself in my youngest and worry about the heartbreak that could occur in just a few short years. 

And now, now we have this stinking elf to deal with too and a Christmas Angel.  While it is fun to watch as they hunt for these every morning, it is more possible heartbreak to endure. 

However, as I was having lunch with a friend and we discussed the game it dawned on me how I can relate the games of Christmas with the truth of Jesus. 

My child has so much wonder on her face as she finds the newest hiding place of our elf and our angel every morning.  She questions the mysteries of Santa.  There are many unknowns in her about how it works, so much wonder, so much mystery, and yet there is so much belief. 

On the day when she finds out the truth of Christmas that is how I will show her the truth of  Christ.  I want to her to understand that in Christ we will wonder why and how, in Christ there will be mysteries, but just like she believed in Santa, the elf, the angel despite her wonder and questions, that that is how she is to believe in Christ.

And as her heartbreaks I will trust that the greatest gift of Christmas will pick up the pieces and increase her faith in him.


In the words of Bethel Music from their song titled "Wonder":


May we never lose our wonder
May we never lose our wonder
Wide eyed and mystified
May we be just like a child
Staring at the beauty of our King