Sunday, December 16, 2012

Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy. 

All day my life has continued like normal.  Coffee, work, Christmas shopping, laundry, and then tonight we went to dinner with friends.  We enjoyed food and fellowship.  We walked around a beautifully lit downtown square in a neighboring town.  We saw fake snow fall down to the ground. There was Christmas music, trains, and a tree.  My kids held hands with their friends, played, and laughed.  My friends and I stood talking and watching the sights and sounds all around us.  I took a moment to sit on a small wall, where I could continue to observe my children and friends as they interacted, and tears began to feel my eyes.  I ached for all the people in CT.  Shouldn't the world just stop?? 

I do not understand.  I have expressed this to Jesus several times as I have prayed for the families. There are no words.  None.  And yet, I feel like I have to try to write something just to attempt to wrap my head around it. 

First, I would like to say I am sorry. I am so so sorry. 

Then I would like to say, I am so thankful that Christmas is not about snow, lights, the gifts that I need to complete.  Its about Jesus.

 And Jesus loves the little children of the world.  In Luke 18:16 the bible says, " 16 But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

 I love Jesus, I have faith in Jesus, and I question Jesus?  Why?  Why did this happen?  I am not here to debate anything, I am here to find for myself a slice of  peace.  The nugget I am grasping onto, is that Jesus loved those children, those teachers, and I know He held them in His hand. 

We can't stop the world, but we can stop the political debates and grieve with our fellow man.  Romans 12:15  says "15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."  To do that I will shed tears with them, on behalf of them, and I will intercede in prayer for them.

Sunday, November 4, 2012


We use and/or hear the word bless often.  After someone sneezes, we say "God bless you".  I have heard others say I hope you have a blessed day.  I have asked Jesus in prayer many times to bless the hands that prepared my meal. I have experienced blessings many times on many occasions.

I had someone bless me this past week.  I voiced a desire, not a need, and someone chose to bless me with meeting that desire.   Bless in my understanding is to do or say something to someone else that creates in them some happiness. 

I can bless my husband by cooking dinner for him.  I can bless my kids with my time.  I can bless my friends with small gifts.  I can bless strangers with kindness.  Our eyes, ears, mouth, and a willing heart is all it takes.

 This kind gesture made me feel happy and less stressed. It was some being Jesus with skin on.  God puts others in our life to help us with our needs and even with our wants. 

I hope that I can remember to always use what God has blessed me with to bless others, just like this friend did for me.

What are you doing today to bless someone?  What has someone done to bless you?

Ephesians 5:1

The Message (MSG)
5 1-2 Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.

I thank God for His example.  I thank my friend for their loving like that!!!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Consumed by Fear

When things seem uncontrollable do you allow yourself to become enveloped with fear?  Do you become anxious?  Constantly questioning yourself?

If your husband is late getting home, what are the thoughts in your head?  Your child gets sick, do you tend to wonder what if?  You have a to do list a mile long, do you get anxious about it? Do you have a conversation with someone and analyze the whole thing over and over?  Your house is not clean, do you stress about getting it done? You walk into a room, are you comparing yourself to those around you?  Does everything have to be or feel  "perfect" and "in control" ?  Do you have a hard time letting go and letting God??

I get so caught up in fear and anxiety, so much so I miss out on just being in the moment.  In the days prior to surgery I allowed fear to consume me.  I had difficulty looking at the facts.  I do this in everyday life.  I allow feelings to dictate my reactions, instead of allowing Jesus to hold me in His care. My emotions get the best of me most days.  He tells us to give Him our anxious thoughts.  I printed off verses, had verses texted to me and I repeated them over and over. One friend even gave me a precious cross to hold!  I looked back at life and remembered moments of God's faithfulness.  When what ifs took over  I gave them to Jesus. 

In everyday moments I want to apply this lesson to my life. I do not want what ifs, fear, emotions, and stress to rule my life.   This surgery, this time of rest that was provided for me, was a reminder that soaking up the truth of the Word of God will drown out the fear and anxiety in my life.

If I can allow God to help me soak up His truth in regards to a surgical procedure, I know I can allow Him to help me soak up His truth everyday, every moment.  It is so hard to surrender and go with the flow.  But He is in control. 

He has my back if I let Him!

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Surgery, Weight Loss, and Blessings

Its offical, I have to have my medial meniscus repaired.   I will be having surgery October 4th.  Workouts have ceased.   So its been about 5 days since my last workout.  This has been so hard!! The emotional and mental stress makes me want to eat!!!!!! Its easier to eat healthy when I am working out!!!  The goal during this time is to trust God, stay within calorie budget, and get somethings done I have been putting off.

Today was weighin day! I lost 3.4 pounds this week.  That is 12.5 pounds since I started P90X and 39.8 pounds total. Can you say encouragement???

I confess I am a little anxious about this process, but remember I do not want to be weighed down with anxiety. (see previous post)  I know the blessing in this is that God is teaching me that the things I get so overwhelemed about are not worth the stress I give them. I give so much time to stress, worry, and becoming unglued.  When I do this I know I miss out on precious moments around me.  I will also be able to take care of some things that I have not been able to get done with the time off work.  I know that God has been faithful to me in that past and will be next week. 

Monday, September 24, 2012

Girl Interrupted

Do you want the good news or bad news???  Good news helps off set the bad news right?? 

The good news is I really like the Jillian Michaels Body Revolution. The work outs have been fun, fast paced, and I have burned lots of calories!!!! I have also increased my overall weight loss total to 36.4 pounds, my total since committing to working out with a 90 day program and staying in calories is  9.1, and my wedding ring is beginning to fit again.  All things to celebrate!!!!!  I can also celebrate all the people God has brought into my life to support and encourage me.  I am so thankful for everyone of you.  It is the accountability that helps me.  I pray that you will be blessed like you have blessed me!!!

One such person is a friend that God has placed in my life.  She even went out and purchased the JMBR program to do it with me.  On Monday 9-17-12 I was feeling very anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed.  This precious friend committed to going on a walk/run with me.  I should have paid her a co-pay for the awesome listener she was for me!  That is one of the things I LOVE about just run it all out. 

It was this night I became girl interrupted! 

When I crawled in bed that night, my knee was sore, this was not new, I injured it about 5 weeks earlier. During the night it became painful.  I could not sleep on my right side and it became increasingly difficult to walk the next day.  A doctor visit and MRI later shows I have a torn meniscus.  I have attempted to modify workouts but it is hard and it hurts. 

I will be continuing to eat healthy and making an appointment with an orthopedic doc. 

God showed me a bible verse last week during my bible study for interruptions like these.  Maybe it will help you with your interruptions.

"Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap." Luke 21:34

Lets not let anxieties weigh us down.

Friday, September 14, 2012

P90X update and Change

I would never have thought I would be working out 6 days a week for such a long period.  It has now been 38 days of this type of routine.  Did you see that?? 38 Days!!!! WOW!!!!  I have seen some weight loss, in fact about 6.7 pounds disappeared in the first 30 days.  (That makes my total 34.6….it’s a been a slow journey, with lots of ups and downs.)!!!! I am happy with that number, but yet I feel a little frustrated. ….Its 6 days a week people!!!  Where’s the burn?? I want more!!!! The days that I do the strength videos and yoga I don’t burn much and the time commitment makes it very hard for me to get in any runs or other cardio. Despite some frustrations, I am pleased to say I can now do a wide leg sit-up, even more than 1.  They are not pretty!!  I am amazed that I was able to do that within the first 30 days.   

I started P90X before school started in hopes that I would get the routine down and keep up with it.  When school started, I found that the workout times were increasing my stress level.  I work part time, my oldest has homework, both kids are in activities, plus all the jobs to run the home, and I have been overwhelmed.  I started researching and found out that Jillian Michaels Body Revolution was 30 minutes, and I could add in a 30 minute cardio DVD if I wanted.  I loved this idea, I could then add in more runs too.  So  on Day 36 I began my new 90 day workout program.  I LOVE it!  The pace is fast and fun.  My calorie burn has been in the 400s and today was 783.  I did 2 cardio workouts!!!  The JMBR and kickboxing. 

Looking forward to the weigh in this week!!!

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

P90x and Contentment Confessions

Doing P90X I have a new appreciation for God resting on the 7th day. And I praise Him for it!!!  I am thankful P90x models creation, even if that was not what they were thinking!  I completed the first 6 days and took the 7th day to rest. REST is GOOD!!!!!  I am surprised in my ability to walk up the stairs each day to participate in such a sweat inducing task. 

Now on to confession time:

Contentment is the state of being contented, being satisfied.  My confession:  this has not been me at times in my life, even recently.  I have had many moments of not being okay with certain things in my life, wanting more or something else.  More food, more clothes, more toys, to be more of a stay at home mom, more food, more workout DVDs, more friends, more makeup, more sleep, more time, more,more, and more.  Or maybe I wanted less, less weight, less traffic, less work, less stress, less housework, less trials, less clutter.  Always wanting.  Dissatisfied.

I have been confessing and praying that Jesus would help me with this. I have so many amazing blessings in my life. Have you met my kids or husband?? I want to breath in moments  with them with satisfaction. Not stressing over my to do list!!  At church this past Sunday our pastor Trey Graham preached on this exact thing.  I think God was trying to hit me over the head with a 2x4!!!!  Some of the words I heard were “in culture it is circumstantial, in the spiritual world it’s about letting Him be enough.” Trey  reminded me that “if I want contentment I need to get rid of the barrier between me and God.  I have the answer, am I going to do it or not??    I can be content when I am satisfied in Jesus.” 

I know my barriers!!!! And I look forward to knocking them down.  As the people on P90x would say BRING IT!!!

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

P90X Vs. Shelly and other things

I continue to struggle with food, exercise, and losing it often with my kids and husband. How does one woman do it all??

I really wanted to attend a recent casting call for The Biggest Loser, but I did not.  Could I really leave my family?  Ummmm….NO!  I would miss so much. I have made commitments to them.  I  have just finished my round 2 of 33 days of eating raw and have came out binging.  Sugar is a drug I tell ya!!!! A DRUG!!!  So after fighting the fact , I can not eat what I want and run an occasional 5k, I have made a decision to take on P90X.  Now, I may modify it some, to still include running on the cardio days and include a different yoga video I like.  I am also aiming to log my food on my fitness pal. 

Today was Day 1:

I am doing the Lean version.  Today was Core Synergistics.  I really enjoyed it and the calories it burned!!!!   I could not do every movement, push ups are not my thing…..yet. There were a few movements that were new to me that I really liked.  Only 89 more days to go.  Bring it!

Since I also struggle with losing it with my kids and husband….I know I am not the only one!!! I have been impatiently waiting for a book!! Unglued by Lysa Terkeust.  I can not wait to start reading the wisdom, words, and stories!   I want God to help me not be so unglued in the mornings during the upcoming school year, or when I do not get enough sleep, or when there is spilled milk.  Yes, I cry and become unglued over spilled anything at times.  Or when I am losing my housekeeper…thanks budget crisis.!!!!   I know that God will speak to me through this book.  I pray He will speak to me and that I will apply it to my life.

We still have a few weeks of summer, but I need the routine now of P90X, and the wisdom before those early mornings.

Here’s to exercise and better mommy-hood for the upcoming school year!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Lesson from a 7 year old

 I had a brief snapshot of my family in a perfect moment.  Coffee in hand I was doing my bible study (the same one I have been trying to finish for over a year), my husband was reading his bible via iphone while cuddling my oldest,  and the younger child was still fast asleep.  It was a sweet picture and one that I will cherish. I felt very Proverbs 31ish.

Fast forward a week or so to reality.  A sleepless child leads to this momma not sleeping, then over sleeping, then being woke up by an older child.  I take a second to pray for the day.  Everything appears to be going off without a hitch.  I am a little prone to anxiety, but I am breathing and the clock is still on my side...until 7 AM. 

The children begin doing what kids do, talking back, whining, arguing, playing. I of course do not take a second to pray, but to raise my voice several times.  And now time is the enemy.  If we do not get in carpool by at least 7:27 AM I feel PANIC, LATE, STRESSED!!!  We did not arrive in line till 7:40 AM.  This feeling spilled into the day. While working, most of the kids I encountered seemed to do what kids do best, while driving to work cars seemed more prone to rudeness, and I continued to feel PANIC, LATE, STRESSED. 

The voices in my head keep reminding me of all the things to do, plan, and not done.  I have a 2 birthday parties to plan and host 2 weekends in a row, parties to attend and make things for.  This too is making me feel PANIC, LATE, STRESSED.  You see God has not given me the gift of creativity and cuteness, nor the gift of party planning!

I have the gift of melt downs, freaking out, and promises of I am not doing this to myself next year.

The evening got better, my kids were great after school and I was stable.

 It has been raining, with loud clasps of thunder, and bright lighting.   I prepare for another sleepless light, however to my surprise I only had one child in bed and a great night of rest.  I told Ellie, my so grown up 7 year old,  " I am surprised you did not come get in bed with me."  She stated "Dad read me an Alice book".  Alice books are about a little girl who goes to bible land.  Ellie loves them.  (Thanks Gresso Family!)  "Ellie, what does Alice have to do with it?" Her response....."God has me in His care!"

In the story about the lions den, she learned and applied God has me in His Care.  What a lesson from this girl. 

I pray that I remember this as I struggle to pull all the strings of birthdays and life together.  I may not have everything decorated and perfect, but we will have a great time.  And God will have us in His care.

Thanks Ellie.
Love Mom.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Just to update

Just to update you, I am still losing.  Just because I am making changes does not mean I am quitting.  I did gain some back over the holidays, however back on track.  I am no longer doing bootcamp or tae kwon do, because God allowed me to go part-time at work and budget cuts had to be made.  I am still wearing my experspy.  I am training for a 5k in March.  I took that weight loss ticker down because it was always a challenge for me to change(I am not very computer smart), but will keep you updated.  Just want to change my focus.