Thursday, March 12, 2015

Getting back on the bike

Journeys are often paved with rocky roads.....mine included.  I have been making effort, but I have struggled a lot over the last year and my effort is not effective.   I told someone recently I feel like I fell off my bike and I just need a little push, a little help learning to get on again. 

I stated in my last post, I am not where I was physically or mentally, but I am not where I started either, and I know that my journey is not over!

April 2013/February 2015
I left crossfit in December and planned to workout at home. My husband and I agreed that I could do crossfit, if I worked enough hours to cover the cost....I wasn't able to do that (that's a long story).  I felt convicted that I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain after having lunch with a friend and reading an article. Jesus was calling me to honor my husband and I wanted to be I quit.
However.....that did not go so well. I felt completely lost on my journey.  I spent hours researching diet plans, instead of listening to Jesus.  I spent hours re-reading diet books, instead of listening to my body.  I let ALL the diet voices throughout my life get in my head. I found myself feeling similar to the day I tried out for Extreme Weight Loss.  I also found myself thinking I should try out again, but I couldn't. I have shown myself capable of weight loss at home, but can't leave my family.  Tween years are to hard and my youngest kinda likes her mama. I just couldn't bring myself to try out. 
I thought about crossfit again, but I still wasn't working enough hours and I feel like I need some one on one help to get me back on the bike and push me.  In January I found someone. I was very impressed with his response to my email. He has great insight into this journey I am on and is very encouraging.
Yall meet Adam:

Check out his website!!!
Did you check out his website??  Okay then keep reading!  :)
I am thrilled to get to begin working out with Adam next week. I sold a few things, got a job, bought some new workout clothes and can't wait to get on a less rocky path.
This is what I sold to help pay for workouts with Adam! 

I officially joined the gym today where I will workout.

I can't wait to see what the next 10 weeks will bring!!  I think that is a great way to help me keep chasing what matters and help me be in 2015.   

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Be Still

February's focus was to be consistent.

Here is what I learned:

I am consistently inconsistent!!!!  Okay, maybe I should give myself a little credit.... I am consistent, just not consistent on the right things all the time.

I am really good at consistently worrying.  I have a tendency to allow my mind to run places. If I lost a pound for every place it's ran this month....I would be at my goal weight and then some!!!

I showed a lot of consistency after trying out for Extreme Weight Loss, but when life threw me curve balls I went back to many old behaviors and mind sets.  This months focus has opened my eyes to this. 

I also learned that I tend to get paralyzed by my own stuff and I need to take up my mat and walk. (see Mark 2:9)

I am not where I was physically or mentally, but I am not where I started either, and I know that my journey is not over!

If you have read some of my blog, then you know I have faced a lot of health stuff...knee surgery, dental stuff (over a year of dental stuff...but I think there may be light at the end of the tunnel), and in January/February I got bronchitis.  I could not kick it. (The congestion is still lingering.)  My ear would not clear up, so I made an appointment with an ENT.  At the visit I learned I have mild hearing loss due to the fluid (this was no surprise I have hearing loss anyway from my ear history), however the doc found a nodule on my thyroid.  (It's like taking your car to a mechanic....always one more thing or at least that is how it has been for me over the last year plus).  Although nodules are common, he wanted blood work and a biopsy. 

A biopsy. 

At first it was the fact that I was dealing with one more thing that got the best of me, but then my mind ran.  Again, if I lost a pound for every place it ran, I would be at my goal weight and then some.....except instead of handling this by turning to Jesus, exercise, or friends I turned to my old friend food. 

In February I found myself trying to figure out a plan to help me on my weight loss journey again and with my health. Constantly searching, but not consistently doing. (So thankful for the person encouraging me in this area right now, but that is another post.)

All of  this mind running and searching has lead me to March's focus.....Be Still. 

I love the definition of still: remaining in place or at rest, free from sound or noise, free from turbulence or commotion; peaceful; tranquil; calm, to quiet, subdue, or cause to subside. 

I want to be still! 

Jesus showed me how I don't remain at rest.  I let noise from my thoughts, my circumstances, Satan, others,  and the internet keep me from being still.  (this happens in many areas not just when I need a biopsy....even with food...I let so many voices in my head that I do not remain still in healthy eating)

When I went in for my biopsy, the doc did the ultrasound and said the nodule was both fluid and solid and that is not what we like to see.  My mind really ran! The nodule was 3.1 cm, he drained 7cc of fluid.  I also have a small one on the left side.   The anxiety of the biopsy was worse than the biopsy, but the stress of waiting was even worse.  It was in waiting for the results that God confirmed I needed to focus on being still.  Being still in Him. 

I got the call today...It's benign, follow up in 6 months.   What a weight lifted!!  It makes it easier to be still!!  I found myself  before I got the call today playing out the what ifs.  My goal was to not use food no matter the out come.  Although it was very, very tempting to go to IHOP for free pancakes to celebrate. 

Instead we celebrated with good for you pancakes, a kale/fruit smoothie, and sausage.

Even though these are so common, when your told we need to rule out cancer its scary.

I am praising Jesus it is not!!!  I am thankful for the family and friends who encouraged and prayed me through the last few weeks. 

Here's to working on remaining  at rest, practicing not letting turbulence throw me, and subduing the noise. 

Be still.

Psalm 46:10

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;