The Skinny on Shelly
A place to write words that help me process my journey and various things along the way.
Friday, December 31, 2021
My Word for 2022
Hope
Wednesday, May 19, 2021
Just Be His Daugther
In February I took care of my Dad for 5 nights and four days as he was preparing to take his final breath on earth.
Despite the atypical relationship we had, it was an honor to care for him. His unresponsiveness did not deter me from having coffee with him, talking his ear off, or reading him the Bible.
I have witnessed the transition from life to death before. It is complex, exhausting, and brings with it a dichotomy of feelings.
The last 12 hours were the absolute hardest. I will spare you the details.
In those hours, I began to get angry. I started questioning G-d.
I could not understand the purpose. I struggled to see G-d in the midst of that night.
While this side of heaven I may not grasp the purpose of those hours for my Dad, but I was given some clarity on the purpose for me. There were 4 words that I needed to hear.
Having friends on the other side of the world has benefits. One of those friends reminded me that my night was his day if I needed to talk.
In those last hours I needed to talk.
My friend shared with me that when his father was sick, he was told that his job was to be his father's son. He gave me the same advice his Rabbi gave him, just be his daughter.
In that moment those words helped me shift from being less caregiver to being more daughter. I was able to quit worrying so much about my Dad's vital signs or lack thereof and just wait.
There were many other words shared between us that helped me get through that dark night, however, the bigger impact of those four little words, just be his daughter, came a few months later.
In April while walking with a friend, I realized that those four words may have been meant for that earthly moment, but G-d was using those words now to tell me to just be His daughter.
Throughout March and April my brother and I read Not Forsaken by Louie Giglio. A book that I had started in 2019 but never finished. A book all about G-d being our Father.
Being His daughter means I have His spiritual DNA. As Louie Giglio puts it, "This spiritual DNA brings new dimensions of structure for your character, for your coping mechanisms, for your patterned responses, new building blocks for your very soul."
Without those last 12 hours, I may not have heard the words, just be his daughter.
Those released me to be my biological Dad's daughter in his final hours on earth.
They have grown and deepened the love and appreciation I have for the Dad that raised me.
They have allowed me to operate less from my natural DNA and more from my spiritual DNA.
I know life is hard. I know many of us wake up with heavy hearts.
We don't have to live from that heavy place.
Just Be His Daughter.
Wednesday, February 24, 2021
New Year, New Word. Better Late Than Never.
Tuesday, April 21, 2020
Other Snippets from Israel
Snippets from Israel
This is most of our crazy crew. We had so much fun together. Frequently our fearless leaders were found waiting on us. In this shot we were left wondering where one of them were.
Monday, April 20, 2020
Going Home Day
Sunday, April 19, 2020
Israel Day 10
Gidon served in the IDF. |
Next we visited the Ayalon Institue, a secret ammunition factory set up underground. On the surface it was a laundry service and bakery, but underneath it was a secret ammunition factory. The hidden factory was built in just 21 day. They made 10,000 bullets everyday. Those that worked in the factory had to make sure they were clean before climbing back to the surface of the kibbutz, a communal farm or settlement, that this was located on. They also had to have a way to get "sun" so they created a room with UV lights to use while underground. People thought they were working in fields, so this light helped confirm their cover and met their need for light. It was established in 1945 and manufactured ammunition until 1948. Those that worked underground had to maintain complete secrecy. Not all members of the kibbutz were aware of this hidden factory beneath their feet. This place fascinated me.
Our last stop was Bethlehem. Gidon could not go with us here due to Israelis not being permitted to enter. The area is under Palestinian control. We ate lunch at a place with an incredible wall mural, toured the Church of the Nativity, which is thought to be the birth place of Jesus, as well as explored another church with an incredible piece of wall art that showed the family tree leading up to the call of David. We also visited the Nissan Bros. olive wood store. The wood smelled amazing.
This is a picture of a picture of the place thought to be where Jesus was born. |
Our last guest speaker was Ken Spiro, after he spoke a few of us took our last walk to the wall for this trip. This walk brought a flood of emotions, which we will touch more on in tomorrow's post about going home. Here a few sights from our walk.