Friday, November 14, 2014

Feeling like He isn't coming through

Sometimes you hold on to something unknowingly.

I recently became pretty fed up with dealing with my teeth and my health.  I am tried of feeling like I am not moving forward on my journey to weight loss and I am tired of not feeling good.  It is an obstacle in my quest to chase what matters....and I have never been great at jumping hurdles.  I usually trip and fall on them.

This time has been no different in the fact that I have tripped and fallen numerous times, but its been distinct in that I keep getting up and it has been set apart, because of how God has used it to speak to me. 

Recently, I sat listening to Beth Moore and realized my frustration also lies in feeling like God just isn't coming through.  This isn't the first time I have felt this way, but it was the first time I became fully aware and honest of this obstacle in my relationship with God.  I have been unknowingly holding on to this for years...and this has been a break down in my belief, my faith, my journey to chase what matters.  This realization brought tears to my eyes.  There was a person in my past that often never came through for me, I thought I had dealt with my issues from this, but obliviously there was more to deal with. 

I texted a friend and asked for prayer in regards to this.  About 8 months ago we had a conversation about my belief or lack there of....I often use the verse from Mark 9:24 "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

I have continued to process this, asking God over and over, what do I do with this, how do I move forward?

I ended up sharing with my husband my struggle and he prayed for me.
 I posted on social media this week something I wrote in my bible study margin:

Conversations with God are like conversations with people, it takes time to get to the depth of a subject, but once there the words/lessons are unforgettable.

This is what I know is true:  HE SPEAKS!!! 

11-9-14  As we walked into the church sanctuary on this day, we were handed cups and bread for the Lord's Supper. We worshiped, we took the juice and the bread and the words that fell on my heart, brought tears to my eyes and joy to my soul....."I have already came through for you!"

While I have know this most of life, I haven't known it, like I did this particular morning.  He doesn't have to do anything, He already did!!!!!

Am I living like He has come through for me??

Then the message was spoken.  It was about discontentment and comparison. Yep, I often act discontent. I have grumbled about the trial of my journey.  I have complained about my teeth.  I have complained about my house.  I have griped about my spouse, my kids.

I took many notes on this day and remember the pastor saying we often say if and when...when my kids get older, if I get this job....ect.....for me I have been feeling discontent, I was saying if I felt better, if I was moving forward along the journey (aka losing weight), then I would be happier...but God, God already came through. He sent His son for us. It's not a matter of when or if, He already did...and that should make us content!!!

11-10-14  I opened my Children of the Day study by Beth Moore and dived in only to get splashed in the face with my own words.  She writes "As spiritual people, we tend to tie our hopelessness to our belief that God has somehow let us down or refused to come through."  My jaw feel open. Those were my words, my feelings.

Belief is tied to hopelessness- what are you believing? 

I love that God speaks.

I want to listen!!! 

Beth Moore goes on to say "God is your help.  He is your strength. This whole thing is not dependent on you..." She continues with "In His hands, we find solace. In His heart, we find rest.  In His time, we find meaning. In His eyes, we are blessed. In His strength, we're made mighty.  In His light, morning breaks. In His Word, He has promised. In His coming, sleepers wake.

I don't know what you are holding onto knowingly or unknowingly, but please know He has already come through!!  

This doesn't mean that my journey or yours will be easy, but it gives us freedom to

Chase What Matters!!