So I had a bad day.....

Recently, my post have been on successes at the den and what those have taught me.  Today is a different tale!

The day began with a run that I could not complete. My left hamstring was not having it.  (I blame the stretching of said hamstring and sprints the day before.)

So, I rowed.

This was followed by stretching and some core strengthening.

And this, this was followed by the WOD a 10 minute AMRAP(as many rounds as possible):
5 HSPU  (hand stand push ups) modified using a box for me
20 meter sliders - you slide with your arms only for 20 meters.

And this was followed by another 10 minute AMRAP....and I am not sure what it was!?!?!  I ended up doing something different due to what occurred in WOD 1.  I did 10 sit-ups and 10 lunges.

I attempted a real HSPU before we started....just not quit there yet...I got the hand stand, just not the push up. 

So, I got set up on my box and knocked out 5.  I headed over to began my 20 meters of sliders, thus beginning the longest 20 meters of my life!!!

I quickly realized how physically, emotionally, and mentally hard this was.  I had many thoughts and emotions wash over me.  I thought about people who have suffered a spinal cord injury and how hard it must be for them to learn how to move using their arms.  As I attempted to maneuver across the floor, I became angry.  It was all I could do not to quit and walk out the door!!  I was feeling humiliated and defeated!!  I was mad at myself.  Mad for all the years I did not take care of my body.  Mad for all the times I have tried before just to quit.  Mad that I could not get across that floor any faster.  I grew even more mad when tears welled up in my eyes.

I also began hurting. I have been dealing with some muscle discomfort (not from working out!!)  and it tightened up. Now, I was mad for all the above reasons plus for the circumstances surrounding the physical pain. I finished those 20 meters and attempted another hand stand push up on the box, the pain was too much.  In 10 minutes time, I completed 1 round.  That 1 round pretty much took  the whole 10 minutes.   My Coach knew something was wrong...at that moment as bad as the pain was physically, it was worse emotionally, and mentally. 

I needed/wanted a good ole fashion cry session.

I did the 2nd AMRAP.  I have no idea how many rounds I did. It was hard to count and get through the pain, however doing it helped me feel slightly better about the failure I had just endured during the first AMRAP.

So I had a bad day.....

There have been times during the last few months that I worked out sooner than I should have....out of fear. 

Fear that if I if I don't go, I will give myself too much time off.

Fear that sickness or injury will lead me back to old habits.

Fear that I will not show a loss on the scale that week.

Fear that taking time off will put me back too many steps.  (And yes intellectually I know that if I hurt myself that will put me back more.)

But here is what I know:

Fear is a feeling, not a fact. 

Christ did not give me a Spirit of fear. (see 2 Timothy 1:7)

I have a pack of bears that will not let me stay gone.

My kids and my husband are in my corner.

I have family and friends that are supporting me.

Bad days happen and I am learning how to deal with them in healthier ways.  (The ones that happen in a workout and outside of one.)

That facing the emotions and mental things that wash up in a workout are sometimes the WOD.

Jesus did not bring me this far to leave me.

I love the lyrics to this song written by by Jessi Alexander and Jon Mabe:

"The Climb"

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

You'll never reach it

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about, it's all about the climb

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa