Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Season Premier of Extreme Weight Loss Season 4

I just finished watching the season premier of Extreme Weight Loss Season 4.

Such mixed emotions...this is the season I tried out for.

I wrote a letter to Chris Powell.

Yet, despite not making it, I have looked forward to this show coming on. I have wondered if anyone I attended the casting with made it??   It is always motivational and inspiring.  I am thrilled for these people!!  Honestly, I am!!!

But, I do feel a little sad for myself!  I feel so far from where I want to be.  I had hopes of being at my goal at this point...but obstacles have been in my way.  Its during these trials I would  love for Chris Powell to say to me "when you can't believe in yourself let me believe in you."  My journey is so much more than physical weight loss.  I am desperately chasing transformation.  Transformation of my mind, body, and spirit.....and sometimes, sometimes it feels so darn lonely!   I have had many people in my life the last year believe in me, but I am currently at an intersection of  doubt and stuck!!  I would really love for someone to push me and invest in me like they do on the show until I reach my goal.

The flip side of this pity party coin is gratitude.  I am so thankful that Jesus used this show as a catalyst for change in my life. I am thankful for what He has accomplished through me. I am thankful for what He has taught me.  I am thankful for what I have experienced and who I have met.  And now, now that I have tasted that change...I want more.

As I sit here struggling with words to express what I am feeling and wishing the scale would begin to descend again, I also know that Jesus believes in me.  He invests in me.  He is calling me.  I know He has not brought me this far to leave me.  I know He has a plan.  I know He wants me to just keep chasing.

Keep chasing what matters.  Keep chasing what He is calling you to.  
He invests in you and believes in you...even at the intersection of  unbelief and stuck. 
All things through Christ.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Throwback Thursday and Happy Anniversary

Monday is our wedding anniversary.  We will celebrate 13 years.   

8 years ago I wrote in a journal about what we did on our 5th anniversary. (I have a few writings from 06 and 05 that I attempted to make devotional like)

So today to celebrate our marriage and to participate in Throwback Thursday I will post it (pretty much as is, but be advised: I have a note beside it that says rough draft and I did say attempted to make devotional like!) 

On May 26, 2006 I went on my first true hike.  My husband and I went to Middle Fork Lake in Red River, NM.  I was very excited, but a little apprehensive, I was not sure what to expect. I don't think anyone could have prepared me.  The area was beautiful, the sounds were calming, but the hike was exhausting.  Every climb got more difficult and I grew more short of breath.  The air thinned as the mountain tops grew closer. The ground was loose, flies buzzed around us...we were roughin it.  Right before the last leg, I felt like I could not go anymore, David encouraged me and we moved on.  I am glad I did not quit.  The sight of the lake and landscape was worth it.  God blessed my journey with the view of the lake. Our journey with Him is similar.  The climb is difficulty, but God quenches us with Living Water.

Thank you David for encouraging me then and for encouraging me now on my journey. God blessed me on that hike and He has and  will bless this journey.  I know I will be glad I did not quit.  Happy Anniversary!


Saturday, May 17, 2014

My Family's Camping Tale

In April my family went camping.   I looked so forward to this weekend, it held promises of quality time and memories. In my quest to chase, chase what matters I was filled with anticipation of time with my family.

My husband did the planning, most of the shopping, and a lot of the packing...because he usually does the planning for trips, but also because I re-injured my knee and was barely able to walk.  He had taken the day off to finish things. We planned on leaving soon after I got home from work and the kids came home from school. We don't usually leave when we plan and this time was not exception. My husband kept saying "Come on we need to leave so we can set up the tent before dark."

We drove into the state park camping area about 7 PM Thursday evening. As we drove into the area,  there was a big sign with the name of the state park....it was the perfect picture opportunity...I could capture a memory forever. My husband reluctantly allowed the photo op, but said "hurry, I want to set up the tent before dark."  Once we entered the park, we had to drive around looking for the perfect camping spot.  Driving around we noticed most people had RVs and we even wondered if tent camping was acceptable.  While driving around, my husband grew concerned, because he wanted to set up the tent before dark. We finally picked our spot.  We were all anxious to set-up, start a fire, roast hot dogs, and have s'mores. During the unloading of the truck my sweet husband surprised me with a potty tent.  (This surprise goes back to a previous camping trip, but that, that is another story and will not be told on this blog.)  It was such a sweet surprise, I almost felt bad for picking a site close to the camp bathrooms. However, it was very hard to use with a knee injury.

Quickly, we realized our expectations about our evening would not be met. We had another surprise during the unpacking of the truck.  The brand new, got it for Christmas in 2012, only used once in our backyard tent was still in our attic and we were stuck with a canopy.  (The canopy and tent look similar packed away).

In my attempt to not have a panic attack and lighten the mood, I said "Hey, remember that time we went camping and you forgot the tent?"  We do this often when things happen. One of my husband's favorites is, "Do you remember the time you backed into the garage door?"   Yes, yes I do.  At some point these messes will give us something to laugh about.

My husband built a fire, lit a lantern, and drove to the nearest town to purchase a tent (an hour away...that is 1 hour there and back, plus time to purchase new tent....that is approximately 2.5 hours).  The girls and I would hang out by the fire ...however, the fire.... it died.   I tried to keep it going, but I am no fire starter.  My mom assisted via face time with the fire, my oldest daughter demo'd mad skills in lighting a match ( I could not light the match), but yet that fire would not roar.

Where's the fire?
Knowing how bad my man felt for this packing mishap, I tried to stay positive....for his sake, the kids, and for the promise of quality time and memories.  Boy, was this gonna be a memory!!  ( this staying positive thing was hard!!)

With no fire to sit around I decided we could unpack the camp, even with my bum knee.  I looked around the covered picnic area only to see HUGE spiders in all four corners.  These were so big, I was a little fearful. I also imagined waking up to words written in the spider's web...as big as they were these spiders had reminded of Charlotte from Charlotte's Web.  I confess the frustration of the situation was building much faster than the camp or fire.

We decided just to sit in our chairs until my husband got back.
Longest. Wait. Ever.
The girls and I talked about lessons we could learn from this.  Talked about supporting David even though we all were frustrated, tired, and hungry.We talked about choosing to have good attitudes even when things don't go as expected.

When David came back, he got the fire going again (the wood was wet that's why it was not lighting), set up our new tent, and  began to organize the camp site.  Everyone's stress level was roaring louder than the fire and the june bugs were everywhere!  It was was not the evening of quality time and memories I had expected.

We got settled and went to bed in our brand new tent.  After a good nights rest and coffee by the fire the next morning the situation seemed much funnier.

We did have a great Saturday.  I knew this trip held some promise of quality time and memories.   We hung out together and we each spent one on one time with our kids.  During our camping weekend my girls thought  mommy's limp was the funniest thing ever, they called it the "mommy dance".  They like to show me this dance often.  They demonstrate their best mommy like limp and say "oooowwww".... always much more dramatic than I ever did it. And we were all mesmerized by the deer we saw Friday evening....which we would have been unaware of had my husband not gone to buy a new tent....he drove by them on the way out to purchase it.

They loved seeing all the deer. 

Saturday we packed up and headed home...after the girls participated in an Easter egg hunt the state park provided.  This day was a little stressful as well,  there is something about that tween age, a mom with a bum knee, a tired 6 year old, and a dad that did most of the work that spells trouble. Fuses ran short, instructions weren't followed, and parents got impatient.

Despite not having a tent and some stress, I do believe this camping trip was a success. We did have quality time, we did chase what matters, we made memories.  These messes, these molehills (that feel like mountains)....they are what memories are made of.

I hope to make many more memories and messes with this crew of mine.

The new tent.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Slowing Down

Summer is just around the corner. I can almost smell the sunscreen and sweaty kids. 

 I.  Am.  Ready.  Bring on summer!!! 

I will be ready for school to start too, just as much as I am for summer.  But for now summer is on my mind. 

I am that girl who loves each season of stuff as it comes, but is so ready for the next one to begin as the current season winds down. 

I thrive on routine, but love a break from it.

So, until my kids start fighting and repeatedly saying they are bored there is a lot of summerin' to do. 

Summer is for:
  • Sleeping late
  • Staying up late
  • Catching fire flies
  • Popsicles on the porch swing
  • Swimming, lots of swimming
  • Vacations
  • Cuddling
  • Saying yes, more than I say no
  • Daydreaming
  • Sun tea
  • Back porch sitting
  • Imaginations
  • Friends
  • Slowing down
  • Reading
  • Crafts 
You get the picture.

Its hard to do summer like this, when you always have to be somewhere.  

So.....I am taking a crossfit break.

I have imagined the blog post I would write celebrating my 1 year anniversary of being a crossfiter in July.  The physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual strength I have gained is priceless.  The people I have met are inspiring.

However, that post is not going to happen.

I have been wrestling with this for quite sometime.  In my quest to chase (it's my one word for the year), God is calling me to not be so busy.  I just realized this week that includes crossfit. Honestly, I briefly thought maybe I just needed to go back to a gym for a season, but after fighting this through that is not the answer.

I need to be obedient and not be so busy.

I said in my letter to Chris Powell, God made me a little on the sensitive side with a flare of drama queen....this leads me to easily STRESS OUT!!  When the calendar it too full, I tend to get overwhelmed...and this...this is what my kids are learning.  I will pass down enough of my craziness to my kids. They don't need me to pass down lessons on how to stress out.

But, I still need to workout.

My coach at Kodiak Crossfit did say I could drop in on occasion, but for my crossfit break I decided to take on the challenge of doing Focus T25.  I plan on starting Monday 5-12-14, along with a couple of friends!

I am a little nervous about this change in exercise,  but I am thrilled to see what God does through my summer!

And I pray that He will help me be more intentional and really consider what I say yes to and no both this summer and when school starts again.  May the lessons I learn slowing down for the summer, carry over into the next season.

  All things through Christ!