Confessions

I am not sure where to begin. It has been a while since I last posted. My oldest daughter started kindergarten and my work schedule changed...it seems like it has been crazy and stressful. Stress can lead me to eating.....however I have continued to do well......I am now at 23 pounds lost. It feels amazing. I have worn some clothes that did not fit, which encourages me tremendously. I have had more temptations it seems. Do you know how good peanut butter smells? I mean really. You open the jar and it is amazingly peanuty and says...."just one bite". Who knew making a PB&J for my kid would drive me bonkers. I am proud to say: I have not given into just one bite with the peanut butter. God will give me strength right!!!! However, we had a wedding on the 19th.....and wedding cake seems to taste so much better than any other cake. I went in saying I would give myself one bite. I am not a wedding crasher, I will not attend another for a long time....so, I ended up having about 4 small bites. The sugar gave me a slight high and made my tummy hurt briefly. I will admit it was YUM! I did not feel guilty, I was actually pretty proud of myself. Maybe I am beginning to think skinny...small bites on rare occasions. But wait the day after I seemed to crave more food in general. We went to Sprouts and I had a sample of a small pretzel filled with of all things peanut butter......ugggh. That is what I understand to be reacting not responding. The evening kinda got a little bit stressful, and then my lovely neighbor calls to give us some leftover wedding cake....and yes I had a few bites. I put down my fork and got my protein bar. Tonight I felt guilty. I know a few bites against plan are not going to kill me, but eating my feeling can! I did not think it through. I want to hit 25 this week...what was I thinking? Okay I will pick myself back up and move on. I was going to throw the cake out, but just because I can't have it, no wait just because I chose not have cake does not mean my family has to. Temptations, feeling, life is everywhere. I have to ability to chose what I do with it.


Oh and guess what....My wedding ring is kinda fitting. I can not wear it for long periods, but I was able to wear it for 2 hours on Friday night and to the wedding. I could not get it on today...but after about 2 years I say that is progress.

Please pray I use my time wisely this week and make time to workout.

Stuff......

I am thrilled to say I am at 16 pounds lost. Yeah. I wore a skirt to church yesterday I have not worn in a while. My wedding ring still has a little bit to go. I did not make working out 3 times this past week. My husband and I did Day 1 of the couch to 5k program a week ago, and it was fun. Hard, but fun. We planned on doing it again, but my oldest daughter got sick on Tuesday so we did not make it. On Wednesday, by the time I was able to it was too dark, and Thursday and Friday just got filled with stuff. Hopefully I do better this week. I wanted to workout today, but we went to the park and I collided with the ground while riding my kid's wiggle racer.......is my youth really gone that I can't do kid stuff without hurting myself?


I have been doing really well, but I have had moments that things I can't eat sound so good and I just want to be lazy. I made my daughter peanut butter and jelly and oh my the smell of peanut butter never smelled so good. But, I have to remember the goals.....lose weight, get healthier. I know that I will have peanut butter again one day. I know that as I continue to eat healthy, later I will add in foods I am not eating. I will be able to enjoy them instead of take advantage of them.

It's Friday and I did it.

TGIF. I am so glad it is Friday. I just finished work and my parents are on their way. Yeah!

I met my goal, of exercising 3 times this week. Yeah! Fitting it in was difficult, but I did. I have a planner, ocd personality and I always try to plan my exercise at a certain time everyday. In my mind, I should get up early and exercise, and since I can't I find it hard to plan...... but I had a light bulb moment this week. Instead of planning for everyday,I can plan one day at a time. Where is it I can fit it in? Okay, I know it is not a new concept, but I needed to learn it in regards to fitting in time to exercise. If I can't do it in the morning, due to lazyness, work, kids, I can do it another time. And I did that this week.

I know some people who are doing this running program....www.c25k.com and I am considering it.....?? I have said to David many times I want to run a marathon.....ummmmm?

I also get frustrated at myself, because I want to get up early before my family, enjoy my cup of coffee and biblestudy and I don't. However I had to finish work stuff this morning and got up at 530...so for me I have to make an appointment with Jesus. If I can do it with work, I can do it with Him.


Oh and I am at 13#s.....

Workout #1

I walked 2 miles today, in 30 minutes. I did a Walk Away the Pounds dvd....it was fun.....yeah....

Two more days and this goal met......Lord give me strength.....!

10 Pounds

Wow! I have dropped 10 pounds. That feels amazing. Can you imagine 10 pounds of hamburger meat? Yes, I lost that much fat. YEAH. I am so thrilled. I have had so much more energy. The picture on my profile is pretty much my before picture....I look forward to putting up others.

When I started this process one of my goals was to wear my wedding ring....I can't wear it yet, but I will get there soon. But, I decieded I want to add a new goal this week: To work out at least 3x......

I struggle with working out. Its not that I don't like it, its that I feel like there is no time for. Getting up at 445 is so early!!!! And I need sleep! Is 6.25 hours enough??But if I get up, than its done. If I do it in the afternoon other things come up and I would be rushed to get the girls from daycare and school, and at night is out of the question. I have to do dinner, baths, ect....so where does it fit in? Any advise would be appreciated? How do you fit it in??

More Energy and other thoughts

Over the past year I have struggled alot with fatigue. I have slept many nights at least 9 hours, struggling to get up afterwards and needing naps during the day. I love to take a good nap, but for me this battle with tiredness was wearing on me. Working full-time, raising 2 small girls, and having a husband I did not and do not have time for decreased energy and fatigue. Well, today I tried to take a nap 2 different times and I could not. I have had so much more energy today! This program has already made huge changes. Instead of sleeping I got some much needed decluttering done! I would like to keep my Sunday nap though!


What does food do for you???

What does food do for me? For as far back as I can remember it has been my best-friend and my worst enemy. When I felt alone, unable to talk to someone, or had any other feelings it was there. It brought comfort, release, and it filled the cracks left by hurt, anger, sadness, guilt. Yet, as I let it be my friend it became my enemy as I gained weight. It is a vicious cycle. Food is more like a drug for me, then just the simple nutrition I need for life and good health. It numbs and although the consequences of the drug are difficult I know that it will feel good next time.

I have been wanting to change this pattern for a long time. I can remember as a kid being on diets and into adulthood, but nothing ever worked well. I never finished. I also never worked through the honest emotional ties I have with food. I know that I have to allow Jesus to heal me, comfort me, and give me strength. I know that I have to not just react but respond. It helped me yesterday. My husbands grandmother passed away, and there was food everywhere as well as feelings, but I made it though with prayer and determination.

What do you want food do for you?

What do I want food to do for me? I want it to give me health. I want it to give me the energy to play with my children. I want to learn to enjoy it not abuse it.

May God bless our food to the nourishment of our bodies.

Day 4

Well, I met one goal. I made it throught the 3 day preparartion phase. Yeah. Today was easy,being able to eat more foods. I was not hungry till dinner time. I did have the urge to eat at times, but it stems from stress. I will address that later I think.....I am too tired to go deep tonight.

Blessing to you.