I was being a bit sulky about it, but was fine as we were getting ready for the day. The first day of school. The excitement in their faces was priceless. We took the famous back to school pictures and we were off. We dropped the kindergartner off first. She was ready, I walked out and the tears just came. I just left my baby. She would now be in school 5 days a week for roughly 160 something days for the next 13 years. There is apart of my life that is over. I have so much to look forward to, yet feel so sad at the season I am leaving behind. My 4th grader did not understand....at all....I am sure her eyes rolled a time or two. She said I could walk her in but gave me plenty of boundaries. Really?? My child is old enough to need space in social situations. It really does seem like she was born yesterday.
I had such grandiose ideas for our summer. I pinned so many fun activities that just sat in the world of Pinterest, untouched. I had this fantasy of one last summer, but reality was different. Our summer was busy and it flew by. We did accomplish some much needed fun, family time, and relaxation. We also had growing pains, fighting between siblings, and mama losing her patience a time or two or three. And now its over. I can't change a thing. I can't change how I over reacted. I can't change what we did or did not do. However, I can look back on the summer of 2013 as the summer that God answered prayers. I had prayed for one last summer and He gave that to me. I prayed about the weight loss show and what that could mean for my family and He answered that too. I can remember the moments my kids cheered for me as I worked out. I can remember the time my 9 year old faced her fear and rode the Superman. I can remember them getting a new puppy. I can remember them holding hands and jumping in the pool. I am so thankful for the many memories and moments and what I can learn from them.
I had to go to Target yesterday and I watched several moms with their preschoolers and I cried. It hurt my heart. How fast it goes!!!
Now I confess I think I will be fine all to quickly. Going to the store alone is much easier. Working out without them gives me one less worry as I attempt to maintain form and push through mentally. Having these school days when I don't have to work, will give me time to accomplish things, renew, and will help me be a better mom.
But, I pray that I can hold onto the ache in my heart as the managed chaos of the school year begins. I pray that I can remember this feeling so that when I want to react in anger or impatience that I instead choose gentleness and peace. I pray that I hold on to the emotions so that I can soak up the moments of the next season. It too will be gone in the blink of an eye.
Who knows what God will do??