The Scoop with EMWLE Part 2

The call back came on April 18th at 11PM, I was fast asleep. When the phone rang I saw it was a blocked number, pushed the talk button, and hung up.  The phone rang again and I answered. I was shocked, somewhat speechless, and unsure if I could workout what they asked of me.  I was asked to drive to Oklahoma City for an on camera interview. They apologized for not being able to do this while in Dallas.  I can't remember exactly why I ended up getting that golden ticket...I think I was an alternate or something?? 

Oklahoma City is about a 3.5 hour drive from my house.  Who would keep my youngest daughter? Who would pick my older daughter up from school?  I could not do this by myself, who would go with me?  We agreed that I would call back in the morning and let them know if I could make it.

Who can sleep after that call??  Thankfully I had a friend up I could call and my husband woke up. I tossed and turned most of the night.  Impatiently, I waited for 4:40 AM for my ride to the gym.  I could not wait to tell them and ask them to help me figure out the logistics.  One even dropped everything she had going on for a road trip.  I am so grateful for this little town we live in and the friends that God has put in my life.  I got a friend to take care of my kids and pray for me.  (you all are awesome, thank you)

 

Road Trip Selfies



Lobby couch was awesome

Lovin' the green couch


 

We had so much fun on this road trip.  I completed my on camera interview and we headed back.  I was completely overwhelmed.  This was crazy, unexpected, and a lot to process.  I had a lot of homework to do. I had to dig deeper into my story and although I have told bits an pieces before, putting it all together was very therapeutic. I got it all turned in waited and prayed. 


I had to make a lot of videos and in one of them I voiced these words:

"The journey of unpacking my story and telling my story has taught me greatly. I heard Beth Moore say "There is beauty in the process” and she is right."

 

In my next blog I will include the letter I wrote to the host of this show.  (which begins its next season on Tuesday!!)

 

I received an email on Wednesday that I did not make it to the finals. Very bittersweet.  I had some plans for my summer with my girls!!! Who knows what would have happened had I got picked???

 

I still don't know where God is taking me, but I know He is in control.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Scoop with EMWLE

I have been working out, counting calories, and trying fad diets forever....with little long term success, so I decided to attend a casting call for Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition.  What did I have to lose?  What is the worst that could happen?

 Jesus has healed me in so many areas, with many more to go (I am a kid adult under construction), and I know He has called me to have victory with my weight. So.....

On April 13, 2013 I did just that.  I had just a few minutes to charm the 2 wonderful casting ladies. I met a handful of people in line, and prayed with 2 wonderful young people. I thought to myself, maybe that was the reason I was there.  I also submitted my story via video, some of which I have blogged about in the past (When I learn to post a video I will post some snippets).  I heard so many stories and amazing reasons to fight for a spot on the show. I shared my story and my main reasons why I need help and then rushed to my daughter's soccer game and waited for a call back.  That call back never came. I was disappointed.  Where was God leading me to overcome this obstacle?

Day of Casting
 

It frustrates me that insurance would help cover weight loss surgery, but not help cover someone getting support to do it without surgery.  I felt like my chance of help was gone.  It's not in our budget to hire personal training 1X1.  I had a pity party, that included some FOOD, and moved on.  A week later my husband and I confessed to our kids that we have not done a good job teaching them nutrition and we introduced a fun way to teach our kids about nutrition and I continued to count calories and workout.
Here is the link to what we are doing with our kids:

http://redlightgreenlighteatright.com/ 


Then I got a call back......

 



 

James in 2013

I love how God works in my life.  He breaks through walls I build, gives me glimpses of why His timing is best, and weaves people into the fabric of my life to show me more of Himself. 

In my unworthiness, in my sin, He still chooses to use me. I find when Jesus wants to use me its usually to teach me something, help me  apply a lesson to my life, or to just show me He is in fact right where I am.

I have been attending a fabulous women’s community group at my church.  When I first attended, I was just trying it out. This is where God knocked down the first brick, and began His work in me, yet again. 

I don’t really make New Year’s resolutions, but I know that in 2013 God wants to teach me through James.  The book in the Bible and the study by Beth Moore. 

I was asked to write a monologue in regards to James and I know these are the goals for 2013,  based on what God taught me through  choosing to use me to pen some words on page:

1. Remember His faithfulness – this encourages me onward.

2. Let go, Prioritize His way-  life is full of precious moments, enjoy them, don’t rush past.  Read an extra story, do the extra bible study with my kids, play the game, and yes even let the bed go unmade. (Letting go of my to do list and is HARD!)

3. Fight with Him - When David picked up the stones to fight his giant, someone once told me they stood for God-Is-All-I-Need. When I face a giant in my life, He is all I need.

4. Instead of getting overwhelmed by life’s trials, breath through and allow them to produce perseverance.

5.  Let my faith have action. I want to demonstrate my faith through active obedience.

6. Work on taming my tongue.  I wrote this in the monologue:  “God uses my kids daily to mold me, teach me, and clean me up. Everyday being a mom is a God moment. I pray that for 2013 my tongue is more tame. That I am more gentle with my kids, more respectful of my husband. That I will not quench their spirits with my words, but will uplift them.”

7. To fill myself with Him.

When I wrote this monologue, it was based loosely on my life, not all parts are things I struggle with. But food has always been a battle and God gave me these words: “ Last night my flesh won over my desire to submit to God. Pleasure in the moment instead of pleasing God and saying no to a sinful desire. I wonder sometimes what other women struggle with. Are they like me and let a binge moment with food win over taking care of the temple that is their body? What desires do they wrestle with, that win over submitting to God? I know sometimes TV shows are a struggle, or books, movies. Maybe even too much wine or ex-boyfriends on face book. I know You created me with a desire and that desire is only filled through daily submission to you. You reminded me with this moment to fill myself with you and not anything else.”

8. Prayer. I believe in its power and its comfort. I love the peace praying brings.  I want to start a prayer journal for 2013.

 

No matter how many stones I pick up to fight giants this year, the first one is ALWAYS GOD!

God is all I need.

Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy. 


All day my life has continued like normal.  Coffee, work, Christmas shopping, laundry, and then tonight we went to dinner with friends.  We enjoyed food and fellowship.  We walked around a beautifully lit downtown square in a neighboring town.  We saw fake snow fall down to the ground. There was Christmas music, trains, and a tree.  My kids held hands with their friends, played, and laughed.  My friends and I stood talking and watching the sights and sounds all around us.  I took a moment to sit on a small wall, where I could continue to observe my children and friends as they interacted, and tears began to feel my eyes.  I ached for all the people in CT.  Shouldn't the world just stop?? 

I do not understand.  I have expressed this to Jesus several times as I have prayed for the families. There are no words.  None.  And yet, I feel like I have to try to write something just to attempt to wrap my head around it. 

First, I would like to say I am sorry. I am so so sorry. 

Then I would like to say, I am so thankful that Christmas is not about snow, lights, the gifts that I need to complete.  Its about Jesus.

 And Jesus loves the little children of the world.  In Luke 18:16 the bible says, " ¹⁶ But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

 I love Jesus, I have faith in Jesus, and I question Jesus?  Why?  Why did this happen?  I am not here to debate anything, I am here to find for myself a slice of  peace.  The nugget I am grasping onto, is that Jesus loved those children, those teachers, and I know He held them in His hand. 

We can't stop the world, but we can stop the political debates and grieve with our fellow man.  Romans 12:15  says "¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."  To do that I will shed tears with them, on behalf of them, and I will intercede in prayer for them.

Blessings

We use and/or hear the word bless often.  After someone sneezes, we say "God bless you".  I have heard others say I hope you have a blessed day.  I have asked Jesus in prayer many times to bless the hands that prepared my meal. I have experienced blessings many times on many occasions.

I had someone bless me this past week.  I voiced a desire, not a need, and someone chose to bless me with meeting that desire.   Bless in my understanding is to do or say something to someone else that creates in them some happiness. 

I can bless my husband by cooking dinner for him.  I can bless my kids with my time.  I can bless my friends with small gifts.  I can bless strangers with kindness.  Our eyes, ears, mouth, and a willing heart is all it takes.

 This kind gesture made me feel happy and less stressed. It was some being Jesus with skin on.  God puts others in our life to help us with our needs and even with our wants. 

I hope that I can remember to always use what God has blessed me with to bless others, just like this friend did for me.


What are you doing today to bless someone?  What has someone done to bless you?

Ephesians 5:1

The Message (MSG)

5 ^1-2 Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.

I thank God for His example.  I thank my friend for their loving like that!!!

Consumed by Fear

When things seem uncontrollable do you allow yourself to become enveloped with fear?  Do you become anxious?  Constantly questioning yourself?

If your husband is late getting home, what are the thoughts in your head?  Your child gets sick, do you tend to wonder what if?  You have a to do list a mile long, do you get anxious about it? Do you have a conversation with someone and analyze the whole thing over and over?  Your house is not clean, do you stress about getting it done? You walk into a room, are you comparing yourself to those around you?  Does everything have to be or feel  "perfect" and "in control" ?  Do you have a hard time letting go and letting God??

I get so caught up in fear and anxiety, so much so I miss out on just being in the moment.  In the days prior to surgery I allowed fear to consume me.  I had difficulty looking at the facts.  I do this in everyday life.  I allow feelings to dictate my reactions, instead of allowing Jesus to hold me in His care. My emotions get the best of me most days.  He tells us to give Him our anxious thoughts.  I printed off verses, had verses texted to me and I repeated them over and over. One friend even gave me a precious cross to hold!  I looked back at life and remembered moments of God's faithfulness.  When what ifs took over  I gave them to Jesus. 

In everyday moments I want to apply this lesson to my life. I do not want what ifs, fear, emotions, and stress to rule my life.   This surgery, this time of rest that was provided for me, was a reminder that soaking up the truth of the Word of God will drown out the fear and anxiety in my life.

If I can allow God to help me soak up His truth in regards to a surgical procedure, I know I can allow Him to help me soak up His truth everyday, every moment.  It is so hard to surrender and go with the flow.  But He is in control. 


He has my back if I let Him!

Surgery, Weight Loss, and Blessings

Its offical, I have to have my medial meniscus repaired.   I will be having surgery October 4th.  Workouts have ceased.   So its been about 5 days since my last workout.  This has been so hard!! The emotional and mental stress makes me want to eat!!!!!! Its easier to eat healthy when I am working out!!!  The goal during this time is to trust God, stay within calorie budget, and get somethings done I have been putting off.

Today was weighin day! I lost 3.4 pounds this week.  That is 12.5 pounds since I started P90X and 39.8 pounds total. Can you say encouragement???


I confess I am a little anxious about this process, but remember I do not want to be weighed down with anxiety. (see previous post)  I know the blessing in this is that God is teaching me that the things I get so overwhelemed about are not worth the stress I give them. I give so much time to stress, worry, and becoming unglued.  When I do this I know I miss out on precious moments around me.  I will also be able to take care of some things that I have not been able to get done with the time off work.  I know that God has been faithful to me in that past and will be next week.