Anyway, I got myself to kickboxing class, all normal. However, after my class I had to drive to get my allergy shot, despite my music blasting and my mouth singing, memories and thoughts began flooding my mind. I was not surprised, this week two years ago was a difficult time for me....I just kept singing and let the wind from my sunroof and window rush in.
I arrived at my appointment and found myself waiting an abnormally long time. With time my mind continued to wander, not just on memories of two years ago, but on today, on the last few months, on the last few weeks, and on the future. My spirit quickly became heavy, I was ready to get that shot over and envelope myself in music and wind again. When I finally got back in my swagger wagon, I did turn up the music and open the sunroof, I did sing, but I kept fighting this heaviness. I made up my mind to spend time in prayer when I got home. In that time I felt a whole lot like Jacob, who wrestled with G-d. (see Genesis 32). I cried. I questioned. I confessed. I asked for wisdom, peace, and discernment.
I felt better after my time, but not normal. I was looking forward to my second workout of the day and our evening routine and activities.
Yesterday, a new friend sent me a song. She said she was listening to it and the Lord said it was for us. It was an amazing song, so amazing I downloaded it and the whole album, and the entire album is amazing. It is what I have been belting out all day. The artist is Rita Springer, the album is titled Battles. (Get it!! You will not be disappointed).
I decided to listen to this album while I was doing my 5 rounds of 4 minute walking/1 minute running. My husband and youngest daughter were joining me on the track, my oldest was having soccer practice and there were several other kids there as well.
Round one wasn't bad, but each round after got hard. My knees felt unstable, reminding me of the instability in my life. I just kept listening to the music and during a walk brought up our group's memory verse for this week. But, I began to feel frustrated. There was so much noise around me and in my own head. I wanted to cry. I wanted to be alone. During this panic feeling state, my husband asked me a question that made me feel more anxious. During the next walk time, I got on Facebook and posted to my new group of friends: 'Ya'll I am on a 4 minute walk part as I type and it's hard today...super hard, physically due to spiritual and emotional stuff..."
And I kept going. I was acutely aware of every discomfort...something in my shoe, my laces not tied tight enough, nor tied the same, the thirst in my throat...and then the last song that played by Rita Springer, on the last long 1 minute run pierced my ears and my soul.
"Our God Is With Us" (featuring Nicole Binion)
Where there is conflict, sometimes we retreat
Where there is struggle, we may fail to see
Our G-d is with us, our G-d is with us, he will never leave
When found in the ashes, we still have a chance
Where there is mourning, don't forget to dance
Cause our G-d is with us, our G-d is with us, He will never leave
Our G-d is with us, our G-d is with us, He will never leave
He does no forsake us, hate us or make us walk alone
He is always right there, stays where He can see the storm
We just have to hold on, stay strong, know He has our best in mind
Our G-d is with us, our G-d is with us
Where there are shadows, He becomes the light
If we go into battle, He will win the fight
Cause our G-d is with us, our G-d is with us, He will never leave
Our G-d is with us, our G-d is with us, He will never leave
He is for us, no one can stop what He's doing
He is with us, and we will see all the He promised
He is for us, no can stop what He's doing
He is with us, we will see all the He promised
He is for us, no one can stop what He's doing
He is with us, and we will see all the He promised
He does no forsake us, hate us or make us walk alone
He is always right there, stays where He can see the storm
We just have to hold on, stay strong, know He has our best in mind
Our G-d is with us, our G-d is with us
These words wrapped me up and held me while I ran the longest minute ever. I still wanted to burst into tears at the end of that run, but this time it was because when I am feeling heavy, when I am feeling alone, when I am feeling hurt, when I am feeling exhausted, when I am anxious, when I am challenged, when I am in tears, when I am in conflict, when I am in struggle, and when there is too much noise.....My G-d is with me.
As I was leaving the track to walk home, I saw that same boy from this morning, and was able to tell him myself that seeing him run inspires me and that I was training for a half.
Yes, my G-d is with me.
Courage
Doing The Impossible
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