Be Still

February's focus was to be consistent.

Here is what I learned:

I am consistently inconsistent!!!!  Okay, maybe I should give myself a little credit.... I am consistent, just not consistent on the right things all the time.

I am really good at consistently worrying.  I have a tendency to allow my mind to run places. If I lost a pound for every place it's ran this month....I would be at my goal weight and then some!!!

I showed a lot of consistency after trying out for Extreme Weight Loss, but when life threw me curve balls I went back to many old behaviors and mind sets.  This months focus has opened my eyes to this. 

I also learned that I tend to get paralyzed by my own stuff and I need to take up my mat and walk. (see Mark 2:9)

I am not where I was physically or mentally, but I am not where I started either, and I know that my journey is not over!

If you have read some of my blog, then you know I have faced a lot of health stuff...knee surgery, dental stuff (over a year of dental stuff...but I think there may be light at the end of the tunnel), and in January/February I got bronchitis.  I could not kick it. (The congestion is still lingering.)  My ear would not clear up, so I made an appointment with an ENT.  At the visit I learned I have mild hearing loss due to the fluid (this was no surprise I have hearing loss anyway from my ear history), however the doc found a nodule on my thyroid.  (It's like taking your car to a mechanic....always one more thing or at least that is how it has been for me over the last year plus).  Although nodules are common, he wanted blood work and a biopsy. 

A biopsy. 

At first it was the fact that I was dealing with one more thing that got the best of me, but then my mind ran.  Again, if I lost a pound for every place it ran, I would be at my goal weight and then some.....except instead of handling this by turning to Jesus, exercise, or friends I turned to my old friend food. 

In February I found myself trying to figure out a plan to help me on my weight loss journey again and with my health. Constantly searching, but not consistently doing. (So thankful for the person encouraging me in this area right now, but that is another post.)

All of  this mind running and searching has lead me to March's focus.....Be Still. 

I love the definition of still: remaining in place or at rest, free from sound or noise, free from turbulence or commotion; peaceful; tranquil; calm, to quiet, subdue, or cause to subside. 

I want to be still! 

Jesus showed me how I don't remain at rest.  I let noise from my thoughts, my circumstances, Satan, others,  and the internet keep me from being still.  (this happens in many areas not just when I need a biopsy....even with food...I let so many voices in my head that I do not remain still in healthy eating)

When I went in for my biopsy, the doc did the ultrasound and said the nodule was both fluid and solid and that is not what we like to see.  My mind really ran! The nodule was 3.1 cm, he drained 7cc of fluid.  I also have a small one on the left side.   The anxiety of the biopsy was worse than the biopsy, but the stress of waiting was even worse.  It was in waiting for the results that God confirmed I needed to focus on being still.  Being still in Him. 

I got the call today...It's benign, follow up in 6 months.   What a weight lifted!!  It makes it easier to be still!!  I found myself  before I got the call today playing out the what ifs.  My goal was to not use food no matter the out come.  Although it was very, very tempting to go to IHOP for free pancakes to celebrate. 

Instead we celebrated with good for you pancakes, a kale/fruit smoothie, and sausage.

Even though these are so common, when your told we need to rule out cancer its scary.

I am praising Jesus it is not!!!  I am thankful for the family and friends who encouraged and prayed me through the last few weeks. 

Here's to working on remaining  at rest, practicing not letting turbulence throw me, and subduing the noise. 

Be still.

Psalm 46:10

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;