Perception

 In a small group recently, I listened to ladies answer various questions, including this one, from the Chase study by Jennie Allen. I did not voice my thoughts on the question, but I have thought about it often since....I have thought about it most of my life.

 It is hard not to think about how others perceive you. 

 

A day in the life of the girl with food issues:
 

The morning had been stressful.  I woke up late resulting in yelling at my kids to hurry every 5 minutes. I had stayed up late to finish marking off my to do list.  I barely had time for breakfast.  Oh and did I mention we had some decisions that needed to be made that were weighing me down.  I did not have time to fix my hair or pay attention to my soul.  I had guilt for working and guilt for wanting to stay at home with my kids.  Many emotions and struggles.  Then it was lunch time.   I couldn't control anything else it seemed in my life, but I could control the food.  For so long it had been comfort...I have controlled it in a negative way.  It is like a drug and it medicates you, if even for a brief moment, easing the emotions, easing the stress. It fills for a second the hole screaming to be filled by Jesus. (We have to learn to quit filling the space with anything but Jesus...I know its hard...trust me, food is not my only struggle!) I pick my poison for the day...a favorite sandwich shop...and here is the gist of what is said:

Clerk: "what can I get you today?"

Me: "umm we are going to share a foot long"

Clerk:  "would you like chips and a drink with that?"

Me:  "yes please'

Clerk:  "can I get you any cookies today?"

Me:  "Oh yes, I think he wanted 2 chocolate chip and I want 1 peanut butter and 1 macadamia nut."

 

When food is medicating you, you don't just order a little, you order a lot!!!  However, you don't want the person taking the order to perceive that you are eating everything...  Who am I kidding??   I am eating those cookies!! All those cookies....and that sandwich.  I confess I am worried about the how that person is perceiving me, thus the use of the little white lie.

   

 

As I mature in my faith, my age, and my journey with weight loss and health I have seen this regard to how others perceive me get less...but its still there.  I don't want anyone to judge me, interpret something I did or didn't do the wrong way rather it is food related or not! Sometimes so much so that I justify my actions instead of letting my yes be yes and my no be no.

 

But, its not so much others perception's of me that I need to worry about,
 its mine.

 

I can be my own worst critic. So many times in my life I never viewed myself as strong enough.  I was not good enough. I have said I can't more often than I have said I can. I have become great at perceiving myself for who I am not, instead of embracing myself for who I am.

 

As I focus on the word chase this year, I want to chase who I am and embrace it. I want to chase who Jesus says I am. I want to teach my girls to do this as well.

Along my journey I am learning to change my perception of myself. I am strong. I am worth it.  I am loved.  I can do things.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I pray that you do as well.

Embrace who you are.  Embrace who's you are.

We can do all things through Christ.