I had a brief snapshot of my family in a perfect moment. Coffee in hand I was doing my bible study (the same one I have been trying to finish for over a year), my husband was reading his bible via iphone while cuddling my oldest, and the younger child was still fast asleep. It was a sweet picture and one that I will cherish. I felt very Proverbs 31ish.
Fast forward a week or so to reality. A sleepless child leads to this momma not sleeping, then over sleeping, then being woke up by an older child. I take a second to pray for the day. Everything appears to be going off without a hitch. I am a little prone to anxiety, but I am breathing and the clock is still on my side...until 7 AM.
The children begin doing what kids do, talking back, whining, arguing, playing. I of course do not take a second to pray, but to raise my voice several times. And now time is the enemy. If we do not get in carpool by at least 7:27 AM I feel PANIC, LATE, STRESSED!!! We did not arrive in line till 7:40 AM. This feeling spilled into the day. While working, most of the kids I encountered seemed to do what kids do best, while driving to work cars seemed more prone to rudeness, and I continued to feel PANIC, LATE, STRESSED.
The voices in my head keep reminding me of all the things to do, plan, and not done. I have a 2 birthday parties to plan and host 2 weekends in a row, parties to attend and make things for. This too is making me feel PANIC, LATE, STRESSED. You see God has not given me the gift of creativity and cuteness, nor the gift of party planning!
I have the gift of melt downs, freaking out, and promises of I am not doing this to myself next year.
The evening got better, my kids were great after school and I was stable.
It has been raining, with loud clasps of thunder, and bright lighting. I prepare for another sleepless light, however to my surprise I only had one child in bed and a great night of rest. I told Ellie, my so grown up 7 year old, " I am surprised you did not come get in bed with me." She stated "Dad read me an Alice book". Alice books are about a little girl who goes to bible land. Ellie loves them. (Thanks Gresso Family!) "Ellie, what does Alice have to do with it?" Her response....."God has me in His care!"
In the story about the lions den, she learned and applied God has me in His Care. What a lesson from this girl.
I pray that I remember this as I struggle to pull all the strings of birthdays and life together. I may not have everything decorated and perfect, but we will have a great time. And God will have us in His care.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Just to update you, I am still losing. Just because I am making changes does not mean I am quitting. I did gain some back over the holidays, however back on track. I am no longer doing bootcamp or tae kwon do, because God allowed me to go part-time at work and budget cuts had to be made. I am still wearing my experspy. I am training for a 5k in March. I took that weight loss ticker down because it was always a challenge for me to change(I am not very computer smart), but will keep you updated. Just want to change my focus.